Well that’s one way…
…to make the day go faster.
I don’t know who or what to blame. Lordt.
Have you ever seen someone that made your heart beat fast and also make you want to vomit at the same time? It’s interesting emotion.
Saw something this weekend made me have that reaction.
I think it’s probably because I pride myself on having tight control over my emotions and reactions to things. I truly wanted to throw my phone across the room immediately when I saw the picture. (But of course I wouldn’t because my phone is new and awesome.)
Self Awareness : I think my biggest fear is meeting someone…and this is strange to say…but meeting someone that has a huge impact on me in that way…or someone who I feel that strongly about.
It’s something that a lot of people wish for..like someone you REALLY REALLY like and they’re attractive and a real person…not a figment of your imagination. Someone who makes you feel like a human…or validates why you have gendered parts, (lol).
Not that it boils down to THAT, but it would be easier to “fall in line” with a person like that because that’s your natural state. They’re your match…or someone who would really challenge you at your core.
I guess the terrifying part would be…or really just that a person like that would be terrifying FOR ME because it would be harder for me to control my emotions and reactions as they are so immediate with them. For most stuff/people I don’t care enough to have opinions or emotions about them (hence the feedback I get from that I can seem cold or unbothered or “throw cold water on people”).
For me, engaging with a person like that would be like flying blind. I couldn’t have a plan b or c…I’d just go by instinct.
But if your instinct is clouded by visceral feelings…that’s no good, right?
Even today, my mind wanders during still moments and I’m grinning…with brief moments of nausea right after.
Lordt!
