What even is ever up?
What it do?
Gosh where to begin.
It’s been quite a long time since I’ve written here! So many websites, so little time…but making a point to return to me because split across so many things.
Update on the Purple front, still here…but it’s changed a bit.
What I love about all that is that connections to such things are very personal. Like it’s kind of a meditative study to be a P.rince fan, or really to be a fan of anything. You are a fan because you see parts of yourself reflected in them…that’s what you connect to.
For me it’s personal because I perceive a whole lot of myself in the persona we’ve seen as he presented or what has been talked about by others. Have spent a lot of time reading books, interviews, talking to people who knew and worked with him, listening to tons of boots and rehearsals…reading about the context of how he grew up through via contextual books that weren’t specifically about him, but talked about the environment he grew up in and other things going on at that time. My perception of who he was is informed by a ton of different sources some biased, would even say most are, but there are enough common elements to be able to tell what’s real and what’s petty, haha though some of the petty stuff is real too.
So when engaging with other fans (Yes I know they’re called fams, but I’m kind of tired of the purple fam bs atm…) it’s tough sometimes…because what was once personal, you have to navigate alongside other people’s personal stuff.
People resonate with others for different reasons…and all of the reasons are valid…and because someone else’s reasons are different doesn’t make them less than or anything else, it’s just different…but it’s hard sometimes because people are still so emotional about it all. It’s like walking on eggshells to not hurt feelings.
And it’s harder for me with my extra kind of “spiritual” component along side it. Like I cried exactly once about Prince…at the tribute October 2016…that was it. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s more because I recognize that he’s a dude that I did not know, and as personal as it feels, he is a stranger that I never knew. His music is amazing. I legit have had him in my ears every single day since March 2016. I’ve spent thousands of dollars on his stuff across my lifetime. I’ve written stories based on his songs for over 10 years now. He’s been in my world for pretty much my whole life, but he’s a stranger I do not know.
I recognize that me wanting to know all about him or collect stuff with his face on it or that I buy anything official with his name attached is more of a hobby than anything else. It’s a vehicle to express myself and my personality. It’s a mirror of sorts to say yes here is an aspect of him that I also identify with.
I am very very aware of that.
Many of his fans are not aware of this when they react to him. They instead hold him up as an idol to be lifted and adored, often over themselves and their own capabilities. He represents them in a way that is a stand in for themselves rather than as a sort of avenue to express themselves. It’s like he speaks or exists for them because he can convey their thoughts and feelings and desires and fantasies better than they themselves can…for some, he is even beyond reproach.
And that bothers me….a lot.
I’ve said a million times in various places that for me P is not an avatar…he’s an agitator. It’s like when you pay attention to his work, he wakes you up to you. People feel that very strongly…and they kind of stay surface with it…like “oh he’s this that and the other…” but don’t really think about WHY he impacts you in that way…and there’s always a reason why…and it’s never really about him. It’s something about YOU that resonates and makes you respond to him in that way.
For me instead of just dwelling in that “oh I feel blah blah blah” I note that feeling and then dive down into what those feelings really are. The “Power of Pri.nce” isn’t that he’s driving me crazy, it’s that he’s holding up a really clean mirror for me to look at myself.
Any and everything about him from the news now about his estate or whatever his siblings are doing to his music to his performances are 100% that.
Really, because the “purple world” is a microcosm of the actual world, responses to any and everything about anything are 100% that.
What you get upset or excited or aroused or whatevered by is an agitator, a hint that something has triggered you and an indicator that you should be present with that and figure out why because the answers are ALWAYS with you in a way you don’t have to ask others if you’re tuned in with yourself.
Engaging in fam communities is exhausting because most people kind of just stay in “react” mode instead of digging deep to get to the why’s…and not the “why’s of what happened or why he did xyz” but the “why’s” of “why do you care”?
Asking why P or anyone around him does anything is a futile exercise. You’ll never have a definitive answer…just like you’ll never have a definitive answer for why ANYONE does anything because how much do people lie to THEMSELVES? How can ANYONE know the truth of anything really?
So eventually all the communities kind of devolve into why and crying on the 21st of every month and sharing peen prints, and se.x and more se.x and “if only he…why didn’t he have a will…he was lonely…etc etc” just all stuff that he probably wouldn’t have minded discussion about because it keeps distracted from what’s really going on with him tbh, but post duck out it just seems…really…object based…in a way that ignores he was an actual person who had agency over his own life and made his own choices no matter what everyone else thinks…something he is celebrated for…and also something that he’s almost demonized for later…because everyone wants him to be their own version of what THEY think he should be…which again ignores his humanity and that he was a grown man making decisions for himself.
It’s just…
I’ve just decided to step back from a lot of communities because of it and just be a drama minimizing content creator. Making websites for people. Keeping up with my tumblr. Hanging out with my own tumblr group that I can kind of guide topic wise (HAHA I AM FAIRY GOD BOYFRIEND’S STUDENT! CREATE YOUR OWN WORLD SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO RESIDE IN THE REAL ONE).
All that because…I don’t even see P fandom as being about him at all…it’s more like a purple rorschach test…a big mirror for lots of people to look at themselves…and instead of doing that they’re trying to see the person holding up the mirror and dig into all his personal business instead. It feels creepy to me…
Again not something specific to this fandom, but more really socialized human nature. Again it’s why I react to EVERYTHING with “probably”. Huge tragic things “yep”. Personal tragedies “it happens”…
Again not because I don’t care…but because these things happen…not to some magical person over there. But to anyone and everyone every day…your next door neighbor, a family member, a friend, a well known public figure. All people. All regular people who poop and sleep and eat just like we do.
Everyone is blessed with talent. EVERYONE….so maybe stop holding up these people to impossible standards of what YOU think they should be doing and just live that way for you? And if you admire traits in someone…that’s cool respect that, but also consider that those things that agitate you are reminders from your higher self that you are fully capable of doing the very same thing and having the very same impacts in a way that is specific to YOU.
That thing is their thing…so what’s yours?
