I Don’t Want to Be Cool
Alright maybe I do have some things to say…
I don’t want to be u, I just want to be me
I don’t want to be cool, I just want to be me
Ya don’t want to be cool, u just want to be me
I don’t want to be cool, I don’t want to be cool, I don’t want to be cool
I don’t want to be cool, I don’t like bein’ cool
I ain’t tryna be cool, what’s it like bein’ cool?
I just can’t stay cool, I don’t want to be cool
I don’t want ya to be me, u should just be u
Ya just want to be me! Ya just want to be me!
(Verse: Big Sean)
Okay, I grew up without a chauffeur
Man, I’m talkin’ straight out the dirt and sulfur
Only birds in my city is vultures
I mean back before I could afford a faux fur
I was off of that debt, me and my mama
Hand-me-downs was the only time I got designer man
Only class I’m passin’ is English and Math
I dunno, maybe becuz they both got commas
Maybe becuz my older bro was on the honor roll
And the otha one was always up in front of the honor
So I’m in the middle like the line in the divide signs
Spendin’ all my money on girls and Sean John
Way before anybody called me Sean Don
I was droppin’ 50s, man, to look like 50
Rockin’ pink Polo’s, shit ain’t even fit me
Lookin’ for the inspiration that’s already in me
All the confidence I was tryna buy myself
If u don’t like me, fuck it, I’ll be by myself
Spend all this time for u to say I’m fine
I really should have spent it tryna find myself
(Bridge)
It’s cool with just me
I’m cool being me
I don’t want to be cool
I ain’t trying to be cool
I just can’t stay cool
Whats it like being cool?
I don’t want to be cool
I don’t want to be cool
I don’t want u to be me
U just should be u
(Verse 2: Kyle)
Is bein’ cool that cool? (Really?)
Is bein’ a tool that big of a tool? (Is it?)
It doesn’t matter if a nigga is wearin’ Supreme
If a cool guy shits his shit’s still goin’ to stink
If a cool guy’s cool in the middle of the forest
Man nobody fuckin’ cares
So why don’t u just be the u that u know u are
Ya know, when nobody else is there?
You’ll be aware, it’s easy, and it’s so important
Bein’ cool shouldn’t cost a fortune
Baby got her jeans from Goodwill
But I bet that ass look good still
Okay let’s remember that shoppin’ at Payless
It just means that u pay less, it don’t make u bae less
If u don’t get re-tweets, it don’t mean u say less, okay?
So I’m goin’ to post that shitty ass selfie on IG
And I don’t care if anybody likes it or likes me, it’s cool
(Outro)
I don’t want to be cool
I ain’t tryna be cool
I just can’t stay cool
What’s it like bein’ cool?
I don’t want to be cool
I don’t want to be cool
I don’t want u to be me
Ya just should be u
***
This song is really accurate for me. I truly do not care about status or things people have or money (outside of the ability for me to do what I want without worrying how i’ll pay for it) or clothes or cars….none of it.
I also hate labels because I’m really not any one thing. I’m not even a main idea for a group.
Like people have “grown and sexy”. I’m good on that. It seems…poser-ish for me.
There’s the “geek girl” thing…eh. I like what I like and a lot of what I like falls here, but I don’t like adopt the persona or whatever…
The Alt Black chicks are a nice image…I have picked up a few wigs and it does align with my “meh” attitude, but again…still a lot of other things.
“Futurist” seems like an interesting label, but not any more weighty than “Renaissance”
Someone once said I was “so Atlanta” and I was offended. Not because of anything about Atlanta, but more because they tried to immediately put me in a box while not really knowing much about me at all.
I don’t even really like to talk about stuff with people because instead of people listening to discuss ideas they really just listen to put me in a box and make assumptions. Which is a human thing to do but…
I don’t know…
This week, I am just extra sensitive to people. Had to go back to main client to have some meetings and was reminded of how petty people can be.
That’s one of my biggest pet peeves…pettiness. It’s so just…that gossip…pettiness…throwing people under the bus…like…we all work for the same mission of delivering amazing software to our clients and customers and users…that should be your ONLY priority!
My team is SO cohesive and real about what we’re doing…we’ve been super insulated from that for so long, I was almost shocked at the contrast of how the larger group was running. Maybe THAT’S what made me so tired this week? Being around all that negative energy?
And then just out in the real world, the levels of petty between social media, the “news”, the election, celebrity gossip…it’s just overload of misinformation, marketing, messaging, pot stirring, insults to get attention…just…
I don’t know…this wandered…really just thinking about how I need KaNisa type people to be around and have connections with besides co-workers. I’m 31 years old in 22 days…and have made no progress in finding my tribe. Really I’ve made no progress in this in the last wow…since college? 9 years since I’ve been at this thing called life in solo mode?
That’s weird. I wonder if I could even tolerate groups of non essential people anymore…I know now my expectations of people are super high. I guess…how can you not be as bothered by ones who shove their insecurities in your face all the time?
It’s not my fault you got issues. Stop projecting and deal with them.
And yes no one is perfect but…if you’re going to do that, can you also be like “hey yeah I know I got issues with this, but can you help me out?”
Going back to my totally fair and reasonable statement to dudes I like a lot (lol) “I am a loner. I think you’re amazing, but I want to be present when I’m with you so can we arrange this time we’ll spend together for when I can truly focus all my attention on you?”
Or
“I am a loner. You are truly the highlight of my day week. Can we be treats for each other so we’ll have something to look forward to every few days or week or so?”
(Which by the way is much better than my previous “Hey we don’t need to see or talk to each other every day. Can we make this like once a week so I don’t get tired of you” version…)
Or maybe I just haven’t met the right dude to make me want to see them more often. I don’t know.
I’m tired.
