A Real Boy…

September 14, 2022

When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do
Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true
When You Wish Upon a Star, Pinocchio

So…Pinocchio.

Always had an interesting affinity for the Disney franchise, interest in marionets aside, I had a necklace that I wore of him until one of his little legs fell off.

When they FIRST announced the new live action version, I was of course suspicious, but when the drop was imminent, I got really excited about it!

This poster looked great! Pinocchio looked perfect!

To get ready for the new version, I watched the old one. I remember being unnerved when watching before, but it really was a different experience to watch with adult eyes. Parallels to horrible real life examples of what happened to him in current culture aside, the thing that stuck with me most was how sweet Pinocchio was. He was so wide eyed about everything and really didn’t know any better, at all, about the things he encountered in the world!

Watching that again, after being in the midst of a rediscovery of my own identity over the past 6 or so years was…a lot. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time reevaluating my own motivations, recognizing when I’m projecting and why, and more recently thinking about stuff that happened when I was child. This year has been a lot of “reparenting my inner child.” Where I am in THAT journey, and watching the old Pinocchio…and the new take on it too…has been extremely triggering in a “push on a sore bruise because it feels good” kind of way.

First time watching the new movie, I was irritated with how they changed it. They added characters that didn’t contribute to his story and removed songs, though I acknowledged the Black woman Puppeteer character which is SUPER uncommon. Even Sesame Workshop JUST hired their first Black woman puppeteer Meagn Piphus not too long ago! I also felt like Pinocchio was missing a certain sweetness that was in the original…

Then I watched it again to see if I still thought it was mid…I loved it SO much more. This time I watched Pinocchio himself, even when he wasn’t actively talking. The way he moved or responded to what was around him was so endearing. I wanted to scoop him up and hug him!

It’s been a few days since that watch through…and I want to watch it again today…and again…and again…

TIMEOUT!

I’m better now at recognizing when something is going on. WHY am I obsessed with this little guy and why do moments like this make my heart melt?

~~And why did I read someone’s interpretation that everyone died with the blue light at the end of the tunnel and now I can’t unsee it?~~

It’s the sweetness.

I love Pinocchio’s sweet innocence.

I love how he looks at the world through unencumbered eyes.

I love that he’s so open to new experiences.

I love that he’s EXCITED to try new things and meet new people.

I hate that people looked down on him or dismissed him because he was different.

I hate that he was punished so harshly when he made a mistake when he truly didn’t know any better.

I hate that people saw how unique he was and tried to profit off of him.

I hate that he became weary of people because the majority of the ones he came across were cruel and abusive to him.

I hate that he only wanted to become a real boy to make Geppetto happy.

The “reparenting the inner child” thing I mentioned earlier?

This movie, the new version especially, hit me directly, prodding at all of the themes I’m starting to look at in myself.

Every. Single. One.

Being a wide eyed curious little girl to…whatever is going on with me now.

I had a relatively fine childhood…but the keyword is relative.

What I went through as a child has made me into an insecure, scared to try new things, distrustful of others motivations, introverted and keeping to myself, jaded about whether or not things can get better, people pleaser…who is much harder on myself than I should be…

…and watching Pinocchio reminds me of how I used to be before I embodied all those things as a way to protect myself. In a weird way, watching this movie feels exactly like this, except I’m Geppetto and Pinocchio is a younger me.