Noise Cancellation Life
Funny thing about reading all the spirituality books.
Despite the insistence that “the universe has your back” at the end of the day, it is still kind of up to you to make things happen. The tools that the books describe are about mindfulness, seeing lessons in what happens, learning how to navigate life or be open to opportunities, even those opportunities disguised as not so great happenings, being accountable to and for your your thoughts and your actions.
Been having issues over the past several months re being stagnant in life.
I feel like I’ve talked about this here before, but what to do you do after you graduate high school, go to college, graduate, get a job, get a house, get the comfy salary…
Then what?
Some might say get married/have kids, but that’s not everyone aspiration or destiny.
Some say go back to school (haha I’m willing to bet that at least 30% of people go back to school because they get this feeling I have now and it sets a defined goal to work toward…not because it’s something they ACTUALLY want to do…)
Work wise I don’t necessarily aspire to move up because that requires being more peopley with the hob nobbing, networking, and all of those things that I would rather not do as I’d rather my work speak for itself rather than speaking for my work.
(Which has me in the current situation of being everyone’s go-to fixer but whatev).
Prince stuff gave me direction for a minute because the opportunities that I would have never asked for were coming left and right, way more than I was comfortable doing because I’m a true introvert despite my career of facilitating people.
I am just a normal person who happens to really like Prince…and I just share the things I think are interesting on an account separate from my personal one to not annoy people who know me in real life. 0% aspirations to be an “influencer” but cool that what I share resonates with people.
(If you guys saw me in my own space at home, you’d be surprised based on my online personality if you follow the Darling Nisi stuff and not my personal account. Legit in a robe, slippers, stocking cap on my head made from grocery store stockings…and moments away from a nap at any given time.)
I’m a 34 year old Black woman who is very blessed, very privileged honestly with first world problems of being “comfortable.”
I’m a 34 year old Black woman who checked all the boxes my parents set out for me (besides married with kids).
I’m a 34 year old Black woman who has ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I WANT OR WANT TO DO BECAUSE I’VE ALWAYS JUST DONE WHAT I’M “SUPPOSED” TO DO.
If you were to ask me what my dream job would be, I couldn’t tell you. I don’t know.
Was talking to co-workers at morale event they strongly encouraged us to go to and we were talking about that. They were all married with kids and they asked me if you could do anything you wanted, what would you do? Even outside of work?
I sat for a moment and then said “it’s not what about I want to do, it’s about how I want to feel.”
And I realized, that how I feel is always within my control despite what’s going on around me.
And I realized my work is to be in service to others. It’s literally what I’m built to do, it’s my gift, to create spaces so people can realize their own potential and flourish.
And I realized when I was in 100% full on “Ghost Prince is my fairy god boyfriend” mode, perhaps the “spiritual” part wasn’t tapping into HIS energy, it was ME tapping into MINE…and the synchronicities that happened were maybe Team KaNisa using my enthusiasm about him to remind me that I’m on the right path to rediscovering me…just like my own intent to leverage P to remind others about stepping into their full potential as well, with my podcast at least.
Honestly all easier said then lived. Have been in a real weird place with the Prince stuff lately…a “who am I to be Darling Nisi and why am I doing this” thing I’m working through. Everyone can google like I can. P’s ducked out so it’s not to get his attention (ha he’d probs cease and desist me because of the nature of what I share), no aspirations to be “in the know”, no desire to “hob nob”…and because I turn everything I like into a job (even websites were a hobby I used as a creative outlet when I was 11…and now I build multi-million dollar ones for my clients) everything I love to do becomes a job that I begin to resent because it turns into an obligation due to how my brain works.
So I guess I need to sit and figure out my “why”.
Booked a 2 day stay at a cabin like this to be away from it all and just be with P’s book…and to just be with me without technology.
I also plan to bring a journal as well to sit and write FOR ME and not for anyone else, for once.
Though it may be one of my gifts to be in service to others, I need to learn what it means to be in service to myself.
