Anhedonia
Anhedonia is a word that describes a reduced interest in activities an individual used to enjoy, as well as a decreased ability to feel pleasure. It’s a core symptom of major depressive disorder, but it can also be a symptom of other mental health disorders.
Not everyone who experiences anhedonia has a diagnosed mental health issue.
The symptoms of anhedonia can include:
- social withdrawal
- diminished pleasure derived from daily activities
- a lack of relationships or withdrawal from previous relationships
- less of an interest in previous hobbies
- a loss of libido or a lack of interest in physical intimacy
Healthline.com
Was talking with folks the other day about a lack of interest in things that I used to be super into. They mentioned this word, anhedonia, one I hadn’t heard before. After doing a quick google so they wouldn’t have to define it for me (lol) I was like whoa, that seems to be accurate…
But at what point does it become just a personality trait?
- social withdrawal – I’ve never really been socially engaged….
- a lack of relationships or withdrawal from previous relationships – see previous bullet. My “relationships” of all sorts have been facilitated online 90% of the time. I also engage with folks socially, past a social media post, a few times a week at most, which again has always been the case.
- a loss of libido or a lack of interest in physical intimacy – It’s been 6 or 7 years since I’ve engaged with a dude I was attracted to. 11 since my last relationship.
- diminished pleasure derived from daily activities -I think I said once I’m “happy” when I’m not stressed or anxious or something…so…
- less of an interest in previous hobbies – Probably the biggest change is here, especially this year. Some things done more out of habit than genuine enjoyment…
So again…all the characteristics of anhedonia reads more like just a general description of who I am as a person these days. The change, or more evolution of this has been the result of learning myself more. I’ve been doing classes at New Earth Mystery School for a while now, mostly to help manage my anxiety, but her methods are around radical accountability and shadow work. A sample of her offerings :
- Understanding Being Misunderstood
- Sacred Mirrors
- Self Regulation
- Grounded Awareness
- Divine Neutrality
- Waking Up From Being Woke
- The Healed Healer
- Flow States
- Universe is Your Mirror
- Energetic Sovereignty
- Home Frequency
- Metaphysics of Minding Your Own Business
This is fine tbh. I love the idea of working through things this way. The problem is that I don’t know how to NOT identify everything I do as a coping mechanism…and I am suspicious of everything that I enjoy as being a front for emotional bypassing or projection.
I also get stuck in having low or no expectations of everything and everyone because I recognize that everyone has their own ish they’re working through and truly nothing is personal. I’ve also become aware that my own coping mechanisms, usually becoming hyperfocused on things that reflect something I’m addressing in my own shadow work (ie. Prince, Pinocchio, etc.) are never about the thing…they’re about me…which makes me not be able to enjoy “the thing” because I have that awareness.
It’s very difficult for me to just “enjoy” something without attaching it to the reasons why I’m enjoying it…because when it’s linked, I can’t enjoy it anymore.
If feels like effort.
It feels like emotional and spiritual work…
So…Anhedonia… I don’t enjoy anything.
How do you enjoy things for what they are and release the compulsion to work out why?
How do I watch Prince performing and be delighted instead of attaching him to my issues around intimacy/loneliness/invisibility?
How do I watch Pinocchio and enjoy how sweet he is without mourning my own loss of innocence, wonder, curiosity?
How do I figure out what I want do do for my actual career…while knowing nobody is going to ask for what I provide because that requires admitting fault, ignorance, or ineptitude to be engaged in the first place, something literally the whole world struggles with and avoids?
I don’t know the answer. Really just getting things out of my brain…
Maybe I should revisit some of these lessons…particularly Sacred Play and Amusement, Honoring Pace, Knowing Your Medicine, Pleasure as Prayer….
