Difficult Considerations
Was talking to my friend.
She’s cool to bounce ideas off of because I know I have some sometimes that are a little off…or at least I feel like I can’t share them without people projecting all their fears and concerns and issues all over them.
A year ago, I was talking about I think Eryka.h Badu’s comments about girl students needing to dress modestly around male teachers to keep them focused. There was this whole backlash about absolving the male teachers of being attracted to their students by blaming the girls and all that…
I won’t re-hash what I said about that, you can read it here.
I’m watching Ray Donovan right now…in season 3.
Spoiler Alert if you want to watch that…
So daughter is “in love” with her teacher. She’s 17 years old…they cross lines.
Probably inappropriate as he is her teacher and twice her age.
But then it got me thinking, at what age does a female human (I say this because for me woman means 18+) have sexual agency over her own body?
Quick answer, AS SOON AS SHE ENTERS THE WORLD AS A TINY HUMAN.
But for this definition of that phrase, I mean at what age can a female human decide for herself that she is ready to have sex?
Because that answer is more tricky.
Lots of people have relations pre-age 18…and it’s generally seen as “okay” as long as both partners are of a similar age.
What happens though when one partner is older, say 20’s, mid 20’s or even older…and the other is 16/17?
It rubs me wrong when people automatically assume that the younger partner magically is incapable of making that decision when a gap like that is in play.
Then toss in phrases like “took her virginity” “gave her virginity” and other patriarchal concepts around male ownership of female bodies…it just…rubs me wrong.
I don’t know it’s tough.
I know FOR ME, I would not have been ready at that age, but I’m 31, will be 32 in a month and 2 days and I’m STILL like “I’m good on peni.s for the most part. Thanks for offering, but no.”
I feel like the answer to “when can she decide” is a PERSONAL decision made by the owner of the privates. That opinion is very challenging to me and does kind of activate a feeling of disgust a little bit about what that would allow for, but logically, that is my take on this.
All I’m really sure of is that outside the “constraints” of society, 18 is not the magic number. For some it could be much older, for some it could be…less.
