…Continued
Sooooo as I was saying…
…
Actually yeah…not really my role to pontificate on how to reset the bar of “manhood”…mostly because I’m not one.
I know for me, I was taught to be self-sufficient and to handle my own business.
My parents taught that anything worth having, is worth working for…and that nothing in life is free.
To me, life isn’t about having fun all the time. I grew up seeing my parents work SUPER hard, always on the grind, always looking for opportunities to enrich us or to improve the standing of our family.
Lazy? Slacker?
Words that were almost profane!
Not really wanting to make concessions for people who champion being a “slacker” or champion not being accountable to others. Especially when I know most of time, it’s a defense mechanism.
That makes them seem unreliable, untrustworthy, and actually extremely selfish.
However, as for dudes being “worthless”?
There is still a need for that family unit. Things are better when people are dedicated to the vision of making the world a better place by providing stability to others.
The new variable, is how YOU contribute to this unit based on YOUR specific strengths and weaknesses….rather than how history dictates who is supposed to do what…as THAT will be ever-changing as we evolve.
It’s more you get married to someone you gel well with (similar standards of living, priorities, emotions) and you fill specific roles according to whatever strengths you have.
Some examples of very different families :
Working class, main priority of being happy, not needing a lot of money to maintain standard of living, and wanting kids = Gel. Dad is a contractor and Mom has various part time jobs. Both very present in kids’ lives. Parents especially have a lot of couples activities. Kids are mostly put in their place with snide comments and insults, but it comes from love.= Family
Middle class, main priority of mostly checking boxes, needing moderate money to maintain standard of living, first generation college kids, and wanting kids = gel. Wife is a stay at home mom who experiments with jobs and going back to school, but otherwise is typically “susie homemaker”. Husband is a bit chauvinistic and self-centered but it’s not really on purpose. He works on a local tv show. Father is certainly around, but may be a bit distant from the kids. Mom is in the kids’ business…sometimes too much. As a couple they struggle at times as wife feels ignored and husband is oblivious, but they tend to work things out as they generally understand each other. = Family
Upper-middle class, main priority of being happy, needing considerable money to maintain standard of living, first generation college kids, and wanting kids = Gel. Wife is a laywer. Husband is a stay at home doctor. Wife is out of the house a lot, but also very present with the family when she’s home. Husband is around a bit more as he works from home. Both are completely dedicated to their children yet find ways to make time for their own activities. Parents put upkeep of their spouse first and their kids second. = Family
There are some similarities in these families…among the parents, no one is really “the head” these are very “partner-y” couples. I feel like most American families are like this despite the message that the dad is supposed to be this dictator type person who brings home all the bacon and rules his family…and mom is supposed to submit and support him in being the leader.
Interesting also that the dads on these shows were the “nice parent” while the moms were the stern ones…I wonder what the trend for THAT is.
Still though, these Dads contributed substantially to their families and not always just as a financial provider. Tim the Toolman Taylor is questionable, mostly because Home Improvement was a vehicle for Tim Allen, but they definitely addressed issues that come up in marriages like theirs where the dad had a conceited air about him.
So how will families like this come together when everyone is so focused on themselves? This “all about me and what EYE want” generation could really kill the idea of family because the ones that work out require parents that are 100% about the stability of their marriage and providing stability for their kids, not about their own personal desires.
I think for the most part, the “all about me” nature is really “i’m afraid i’m not enough”…where though these were tv families, that never seemed to be an issue. They were cool with who they were… completely OWNED who they were…and just found people that were on their level…so it worked.
If people stop spending so much time pretending to be what they perceive to be “cool” and just be who they are…it seems like things would work much better for everyone.
Or for all humankind really…
Imagine a world where kids knew their place and were respectful to their elders.
Or where they were raised to work hard for what they wanted.
Or where they were confident in who they were because they explored, succeeded, and failed at different things, but learned to pick themselves and try again or try something different.
Or where they had a strong moral compass that they actually followed because they were of their own minds instead of being so influenced by their peers.
A generation of honest, hardworking children who only felt “entitled” to things they could prove they deserved in their documented hard work.
Yeah….
Well…
Okay…that’s why I need to have my own family because clearly…
