Today’s Messages
I think I’m going to go ahead and block certain sites.
Like router blocks.
And download an app on my phone to block sites and enter a random password so I can’t get to it easily.
They put a damper on my hope for Black humanity.
Let the internet tell it :
Dudes do not take women out on dates because they’re not worth the investment.
Went out on 2 in the last week. Did not pay for either. Was told to be ready at a certain time, was alerted about the attire, they were on time and in nice clean cars. Doors opened, all the fixings. If you have a certain standard of living, it’s not a big deal to spend a little extra on a companion without expecting anything else.Suggestion to dudes is to seek out women on your level or your feelings/ego will be hurt by women who expect things you cannot deliver.Suggestion to chicks is to seek out better treatment. If they’re trying to “hang out” or “chill”, be aware that it is not a date and act accordingly.
Friend Zone is where dudes are mistreated because they were nice and didn’t get any play.
Friend zone doesn’t exist. She saw what you had to offer and wasn’t interested. Accept it, play your position, or move on. Not everything is for everybody.
WTF?!?! This is on the front page of my client’s intranet…
Women with high standards will die alone with lots of cats.
Subtext : Women with high standards I don’t meet have unreasonable standards because I shouldn’t have to do all that to get relations.
Reality : Women with high standards can likely find someone that can meet them, but that person may not be easy to find, which is okay because you only need 1 to meet your requirements anyway.
(Also curious that those date conversations always seem to revolve around a dude investing in dates to get relations, not a relationSHIP…)
Career women will die alone with lots of cats. They can take care of themselves anyway and who wants a chick who can do everything for themselves?
Career women can be and are married and in happy relationships. Again their dating pool is limited though as in the natural order of things, they do prefer men who are a bit more successful than they are and/or men who support them in their carrers. Just because a chick CAN take care of themselves, doesn’t mean they WILL take care of themselves.
*Career women cannot manage being a wife, mom, and high powered career person at the same time.
As a woman, your ability to be able to manage the trifecta of modern women is completely up to you. If you’re working too much, it’s not your job’s fault, it’s your fault. If you got a new job, 99% sure you’ll still be working too much. It’s your own personal work ethic that makes you work like that. It’s up to YOU to say no. It’s up to YOU to block off time on your calendar to get actual work done so you don’t have to take it home. It’s up to YOU to take time off to spend time with your family. It’s up to YOU to delegate stuff at work or at home to help run both areas. It’s up to YOU to find a partner that understands the way you work and understands that home is a joint effort, not your entire job to run as well. Everyone gives 100% everywhere, and everyone is there to make assists as needed. If you want it all, make sure your support system enables you to do it all.
*This one was a little discouraging to hear today…and it was in person rather than online. One of my mentors decided to go to part time. She’s 34 (White), wants to have another kid, but is super stressed all the time. When it got to this point before, she continued working, even more so, and had a devastating loss because of it. She was one of my sheroes in the Mom/Wife/high-stress career vein…but I think it’s good she’s taking off. Great even.
Another friend did something similar (Indian)…she took 2 months off to be with her family. He daughter is 8. She’s spent the past 10 years doing 15 hour days, managing multi-national teams, totally stressed, back problems, neck problems…her husband traveled a lot as a consultant as well so she didn’t have the support.
Another friend…32 (Indian), her son is 2. Again high stress…in her marriage though, her HUSBAND gave up his high stress/traveling consultant job to take a local one to help out. He even turned down double the salary. He said he’d be happier being home supporting his wife and young son as he was missing his son’s childhood and their early marriage years from being out on the road all the time.
It’s an interesting time in life. Women still have the expectation of basically running the family, though now we also have the opportunity to take on the stress and responsibility that was previously only extended to men. Our previous responsibilities were full time jobs in themselves…now to take on another?
Tough.
It can certainly be done though, but only if our partners act on some of the home related opportunities just as we have taken on some of the workplace ones.
It does work, but only if both parties are ready to work…again not for ourselves, but for the shared benefits of the family.
Also goes back to being with someone with similar lifestyles/goals/aspirations….miss me with the “I don’t want a wife that works all the time, she needs to be a home taking care of the kids and nurturing me” stuff. Uh…so you want another mother? Such dudes need not apply to the KaNisa legacy building workshop. We ALL work around these parts.
I’ll let Claire tell it :
