What does it MEAN?
Was in the shower having thoughts that I started to tweet after I got out…but thought it would be better suited to blog.
Mother derailed me from my “Goodness and Light” week by stressing me out over my stairs (scared people would fall down them), and me being forever single because dudes were not raised with comparable values.
I went on a shpeel about how Amer.ica is reacting to societal influences and that marriage is becoming less of a thing not just for Black people, but for everyone.
She was also talking about how there’s so much infighting among Black people and that we don’t help each other like the other races do…
Don’t know what to say to that really…
But yeah there was a long discussion about how I’ll be forever alone and how I like “weak” dudes once again.
Made me think about the “self-sufficient women are unfeminine and unworthy of protection” narrative…
Because …that means they’re masculine…and men don’t need protecting?
What makes a dude “weak”?
Whhyy are we still using antiquated definitions of masculine and feminine?
I feel like times have changed enough to blend those…and it’s less about gender equality/gender roles and more about human compassion.
As a woman, I will never be the type to be all doting and say good job when you haven’t done anything extraordinary…and I probably won’t say you look nice or flirt or anything like that.
But when you DO do something, I will say how impressed I am with earnest commentary and specifics…like I’m really interested in what you did and am truly blown away by your brilliance.
Or instead of flirting or saying you look nice, I might touch you more, or be super assertive when we get alone time (if you’re my man…otherwise looks alone are unimpressive. Your parents did that not you.)
I’m just not expressive in that way.
I show what I feel by DOING, not saying…and I’m not impressed by people doing what they’re supposed to do.
My style of nurturing is telling people the truth and providing baseline stuff so they can concentrate on being awesome. I’m the stability who filters out the BS.
Does that make me masculine and unfeeling or just someone who feels like people should be productive and get on with living life?
Another thought…
To me, my “standards” are not gender specific.
To me someone’s maturity is based on how self sufficient they are overall.
Not necessarily money wise…
But in a “how comfortable are you in your own skin” way.
How are honest are you?
Are you out here stunting on social networks and performing misdirection techniques because you’re not satisfied with where you are and are scared people will find out?
Can you support yourself?
Whether you live in a penthouse in a city with a Lambo or on the street in a Fridgadre box with food and clothes from shelters, do you provide for yourself without relying on other people’s money?
Are you accountable to yourself?
Yes sometimes the breaks are what be, but do you take responsibility for what you had control over, or do you blame the world for your issues and where you’re at in life?
To me…answers to questions like these measure a man/woman…not gender specific at all.
Once again, this poem pretty much sums it up.
Relationship wise, yeah I can do A LOT if not everything on my own. I don’t NEED a man, but I would like one. Not to do MANLY things, but to do compassionate things. Not because that’s his ROLE, but it’s because that’s his character. Not to PROVIDE for me, but to just be THERE for me.
Fully present and engaged.
Does wanting such things really mean I will be forever alone?
Side eye Mommy.
Side eye.
