Human Connections
Interesting time that we’re in.
Twitter got weird with the new takeover.
Pandemic has changed the way we work.
I saw a tweet thread about the amount of time people spend with others, and it was wild to once again consider that I have kept to myself for the last almost 3 years now. I’ve legit only been around other people MAYBE a dozen times in the last 3 years!
No interest in dating or dudes.
No interest in connecting with others in real space. Have even skipped the last several in-person work things because of anxiety (and Toby’s separation anxiety I use an excuse).
Was saying if Twitter falls apart, I would feel relived somehow…even though it is my main source of human connection with others. (Which is problematic within itself…)
This past year my birthday was pretty depressing. I went to Minneapolis, but spent the entire day of my actual birthday in my airbnb crying because after all these years…after the wakeup call of P’s duckout, I still hadn’t developed my relationships enough for anyone to want to celebrate my birthday with me.
8k followers on various social media channels…but still nobody who wanted to celebrate my birthday with me. Or in my brain, my only value was bringing Prince content to them.
When P ducked out I thought about how if I passed away, nobody would know for a while because I keep to myself and didn’t have friends like that. My family isn’t local and they also know I go into isolation often so it’s normal to not hear from me for a while. They generally make sure I’m still alive by seeing if I posted something on Facebook.
It’s an interesting place to be in with all that going on…
I didn’t want my next birthday to be as depressing.
I went on a Disney cruise with my oldest sister this past year and it was a time. I feel like I appreciated the time more after I got back. Didn’t have Toby, work, or good internet access, so it really was the longest time I had no obligations for my adult life.
When I got back, I missed what that felt like…joined a bunch of cruise fb groups…..
Booked another one for my birthday for 2023.
At first I considered going by myself…maybe they would pity me because it was my birthday and I was there alone? (Got a free meal at an expensive restaurant in Atlanta once…)
The price of a Disney cruise is the same for 2 people vs 1 though so it would be a waste to go by myself…I invited my middle sister since we’ve celebrated her birthday a few times on trips (Vermont and Vegas).
Then I felt bad because I went on my first cruise with my older sister….so I invited her too. Not sure she would go because her situation sucks…and I didn’t want any kids with us…
She said yes!
So now we have our first sister trip as adults on this cruise for my birthday!
It means so much…it’s a little different because I feel like maybe there’s a bit of familial obligation on why they are coming…and it would be cool for people to celebrate you when they’re not obligated to…
But we all need a break from our daily lives. We all deserve that break. I’m excited to develop a friendship with my sisters and to get to know each other as adults as we’re all kids at heart anyway.
Human connection.
Family connection.
Sister connection.
I probably have high hopes about how this will go…
But I’m happy I get to have people who love me around for my special day.
