What You Really Really Want
So I was served a “freeze your eggs” ad on instagram the other day and was like :
I felt some kind of way about it, but not scared per say, more it’s interesting to consider that I’ll never get married or have kids. Not so much that I want to necessarily, but more it’s a programmed supposed want I’m supposed to have in this society…and that this social structure is still mostly built on hetero 2 parent families in certain parts…if not for social conditioning, then for wealth building and succession.
Thinking about my generation of cousins of which I am the youngest at 31 (soon to be 32) most all of us are women, and there’s 1 dude who can carry on our last name. If he doesn’t, that line from our grandparents ends name wise which is pretty nuts to think about.
This whole “pre-haps there’s a thing where your soul’s normal is in the other place and you generally just take a spin on earth to get experience points” concept helps with this comfort I have about all that…though one has to wonder if that concept resonates so much because it justifies my current existence (ie. I likely have descendants here already from previous visits to earth/I likely have had past lovers and spouses ) or if it just simply resonates…though I do maintain that was an inkling I had already and even wrote about as far back as junior high.
For now I can’t imagine being a mother or a wife…and am not sure sure that is appealing really anyway, truly. Being those things is a HUGE responsibility and I am not sure I really want that experience. I have the MOST respect for the women who do that labor of love. Like seriously. I am am not wooooorthy.
For me a series of super passionate flings every few years would be fine honestly. And not like “barely make it in the basket” type flings, but like heart rending leave it all on the table left in flames never to speak again after it was over because everything there was to do and explore about each other happened in like 8 months or so…so there’s nothing else to talk about…
Kind of flings.
Of which I have not had before.
Legit fine with that. I’m not interested in long term anything.
I don’t like feeling obligated to people in my personal life.
And that’s fine. Not everything is for everyone so lets stop shaming people into wanting only what’s normal for you, you know?
