Alt Lifestyles
Tried to insert periods to attempt to be work friendly, but it may not be anyway…
Was circling back to the Poly.amory Weekl.y podcast I was exploring last year. Forming an opinion regarding.
I’m not going to be all gung ho about supporting everyone living the way they want with all the different classifications of gender, sexu.al orientation, et al. As you know I’m mostly about people being themselves. If you want to label me, just label me KaNisa. If you want to know what KaNisa means, just ask. (Plus they keep coming up with new terms for everything, I can’t keep up!)
Also piggy backing on the entry from a few days ago, I like to hear about different lifestyles and cultures, absorbing ideas from each one, applying it to my life, and discarding things that don’t quite fit. Not averse to changing direction if something else makes sense.
To me, this opinion, or idea I’m forming about the alt lifestyles, especially the secs ones, is that for the most part, they are only “alternative” because they are not based on hetero.normative and/or patriarchal customs. Women have more power…and gender roles are way more fluid.
Sure there’s like kin.k and fet.ish stuff, but the real thing that sets these methods of expression apart is the evolved levels of communication. 100% transparent communication is central to pretty much all of them, probably because the principles aren’t as well known. You have to be clear about your intent and your expressions of that intent because operating in an open way like that is a challenge to the “norm” everyone is acculturated to. That and owning and addressing your emotions is SUPER important…especially for more obvious interactions where you can actually hurt someone physically or emotionally. You have to speak up if you’re going down those rabbit holes! You have to let your partner(s) know how to engage you that way safely…and how you need to be supported during after care.
I admire for example that B.DSM best practices include actual agreed to and written down rules…and they’re pretty specific. It’s not just like “the safe word is ‘tree branch’ , but it’s like “if I’m having a bad day, please make sure I eat and when we get together just let me cry and hold me” or “if we have a disagreement, we will never purposely insult each other, and we will not go to bed mad, even if we have to stay up all night.” Also the after care part….that’s a dedicated session after a scene where you spend time having more tender/supportive interactions to offset all the physical and emotional challenges that went on during the scene.
Ishts. Deep.
Communication…because there are so many varying levels and different definitions for things, once you get past the fake po.rn stuff, you find that these lifestyles are quite serious and require a level of maturity many don’t have.
The last episode of Poly.amory Week.ly I listened to was about women waking up their eee-rot-tic side (still trying to be work friendly somehow, lol). They had a s.ex therapist with like 20 years of experience or something on there explaining how she has clients with ages spanning from their 20’s to their twilight years…and how the saddest situations are when she has older 70+ year old clients who are just now starting to own their sexualit.ies. The secrets, which make sense, are really love of self. Being comfortable with your body. Being fulfilled in your job and in your life. Learning how to say no when people try to take from you…generally just good things to do…and she also mentioned it’s okay and normal to have low periods when you’re just not into it.
I fell asleep to another episode the other day about designer relationships (because I was tired, not because it wasn’t engaging). I’m always talking about making your relationships according to the rules of the people in the relationship vs. what is “normal” according to others, so I might check that book out. Again, not sure about the labels like “poly” or whatever all of those are, but I think there’s something to learn from the general customs of openness, honesty, communication, and ownership of self that comes with these topics.
Still though, it’s tough to talk about this with randoms without them automatically jumping to “oh she’s a fre.ak!” No, you’re just ignorant. There is WAY more to k.ink, polyamo.ry, BD.SM, all that…and most of it isn’t even RELATED the se.cs part at all…
Other interesting topics by this podcast :
- How to recognize and respond to emotional abuse
- Class : How to deal with relationship drama
- How to deal with your own jealousy
- How to deal with a partner’s jealousy
- Poly and Aspergers
