Do you, boo!
I honestly don’t remember how I came across this, but I somehow came across a podcast talking about Poly.amorus relationships
Every week, Minx and her guests and horde of correspondents report on issues relating to communication, se.x, k.ink, manners, dating, family and time management, with perspectives from all around the globe.
*Waits for side eye
Lol…
I’d heard about this lifestyle, but only really in the context of the relations part. Listening to this though, it’s really is SO MUCH more…and a lot of it really just boils down to communication, honesty, and respecting others.
In fact, the thing that makes me so impressed about this is how people are EXTREMELY considerate of others in the community, so much more so than I’ve noticed in monogamous hetero relationships.
One episode in particular was really good :
A number of listeners commented and wrote in to argue that sure, tolerance is great—until you disagree with someone else’s definition of poly or self identity. So we brought in the big guns to reiterate the point: LustyGuy! Y’all wrote in with quite a few objections and instances in which you REALLY wanted to dispute someone else’s self-identity, including:
- But Minx, _____ isn’t the RIGHT definition of poly
- But Minx, if we don’t have one common definition of poly, we can’t communicate
- But Minx, the cheaters who call themselves poly hurt our cause
- But Minx, the cheaters who call themselves poly insult my hard-won ethical relationship
The conversations around these questions were extremely refreshing, and really aren’t that specific to poly…a couple of quotes I pulled out :
“The right of an individual to self identify should trump your definition of who they are”
At first I was like really? So if someone calls themselves a Casanova who slays women and is a beast at life that’s cool?
But then I thought about how I get upset when people say “I don’t agree with your lifestyle” or “I don’t agree with who you are.”
It’s not really a proper or relevant thought…it’s not up to you to define who EYE am. It’s up to ME to do that…so it makes more sense.
On the back of that…they said : ““A label only informs the next set of questions.””
Really good way to think about it!
Even for monogamy, not everyone has the same definition. Some people think it means you can’t look at “relations documentaries” or that you should never be attracted to another person outside of the relationship…or some people cheat saying their outside fling is just relations. Really everyone does it their own specific way…and who are we to say their way is wrong or be threatened by someone else’s definition? Just find someone who has the same goals as you and make it work. Monogamous, Poly, whatever…
Their ideas on 3 and 4 are also interesting. I thought they would agree, but they don’t…I especially love the way they addressed point 4…
Generally this community is EXTREMELY self aware and honestly I almost feel they’re evolved. I don’t think it’s for me as I don’t even understand how to love ONE person much less 2 or 3, but I really respect the way they go about building their relationships and especially maintaining them. I feel like it requires entirely too much talking about emotions, lol but I suppose that’s why my relationships suck.
Really learning a lot I could apply to my own relationships…just in terms of better ways of communicating and being up front with what you want.
Halfway eyeing her book too because she talks about writing a user manual for yourself to document what you like and want out of life…and what your own rules for yourself are.
…
I also think it’s funny that a lot of Black people would side eye the heck out of this lifestyle despite essentially living this anyway to some degree. Thinking that most are far too insecure to really be real about it though. Listening to Poly ideas and the way they come across, there is ZERO ego when you’re in it for the right reasons. It’s not at all about having an excuse to sleep around…each relationship is 100% real. You are EXTREMELY accountable to your partners..and it’s really important that everyone is honest about what they want to match up with the right people in the first place.
Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone went about relationships that way?
Person 1 : I want ABCD out of life
Person 2 : I want EFGH out of life
LET’S TRY TO MAKE IT WORK BECAUSE YOU’RE CUTE/HAVE MONEY/ARE A TROPHY/ARE NEARBY!
False.
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Other episodes of note :
PW 392: Everything you wanted to know about poly
15:00 Long distance relationships Advice for someone whose partner is moving overseas and transitioning to a long distance relationship?
24:45 Dealing with envy
39:15 Recovering from abuse After dealing with an abusive breakup, how do I work through that with my current partner if he/she still wants to see the abuser?
48:30 Poly as an older single guy How and when do I come out as poly, since so many women are uncomfortable with it?
1:00:45 Dealing with metamour’s D/s How do you handle a partner who has other partners with whom he/she in a D/s relationship?
PW 389: Intro to k.ink with MOLLENA!
Note : I thought I knew what k.inky meant. I was wrong O_O. I love though that this really breaks down how it works and it’s honestly not what most people think…
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Generally just really fascinating to learn about alt lifestyles, though it’s probably not for me.
I do support the se.x positive agenda though!
“Consent is everything.”
“Among consenting adults, there is no ’should'”
Do you, boo!
