When Two Worlds Collide
I’ve been slightly more annoyed at work because I’ve had to leave the island of awesomeness to handle some politics back at home base (for my main contract).
NUTS to go back to that…the squad has been so protected from everything, it was almost a culture shock to see how far removed we are from that way of doing work…the normal way due to the politics of the organization.
Hopped on a call for a system I did work on a couple of years ago as a U.X-er…the way the Project Manager was talking to the customer…and the way the client SME (who is on our team) was talking about the work that was done in front of our customer….was just…wow.
For context we’re functional consultants, people who actually do what we consult on, who staff a software development shop (our clients) that has its own customers. The project I run is part of this same organization, but I have way more leeway in how the project is run since they trust me.
There’s also been an uptick of pettiness with some people…which I absolutely DESPISE just as a rule. It’s so immature…just address what you’re really mad about so we can get isht done.
For all my “boo people” it’s not so much that I’m not a people person or don’t like people, it’s that I’m so in tune with people, being around them all the time is exhausting. Not really from just an introvert way, but just the way my brain is wired.
The awareness is SUPER helpful with my line of work, my expertise is in Cognitive Ergonomics, or the way people think about digital systems…and it’s my actual job to understand people, sometimes even better than they understand themselves. Reading facial cues, the way people talk about things, reading their emotions, watching them work, unearthing actual real frustrations and insecurities…finding out the reasons for them…and then instilling trust by propping up (or exploiting) those insecurities using technology.
The skills are generally helpful all around, especially when running a dev project. The constant leveling required to make sure we run efficiently and everyone feels supported is a good application of those skills.
But…when it comes to interpersonal skills outside of work?
I am waaaaaaayyy less inclined to expend that amount of effort to make sure things go well these days.
Like…historically, I was very much about this in relationships. Not changing myself so much as adapting or learning other people so they felt supported and so I could fit myself into their lifestyles without them needing to expend effort on their part. Mostly also setting aside my stuff to make sure they were okay to my detriment.
Now…eh nah.
At lunch again today, Geek Squad was talking about people they knew who could put things delicately. They were like nooo not KaNisa! KaNisa’s waaay too blunt!
(Based on my POV about spending too much time with a person you’re interested in. They said it’s not okay for me to say “I don’t want to get tired of you so let’s spread out the time we spend together” using most of those words in a rather direct way. It’s the truth though so…like seeing you once or twice a week is plenty…)
Maybe I should listen to them? 3 of them are married and one has a girlfriend…I’m the only one on lonely island…
Meh…
I’m sure the ideal way of relating to others is somewhere in between my level of bluntness now and acquiescence from before, but I’m like “dude can I just be me and you can take it or leave it? Do I really have to be hyper aware of not hurting your feelings?”
It’s kind of why the pillars are important…like if someone calls me something I know myself to be…is it really that big of a deal? “The One” would understand….right?
Self Awareness Check
I’ve probably overcorrected on the non-essential people front. I know my normal is to do the most for others, it actually is a challenge to stop from doing that. I don’t like that my normal is people outside of work rolling over me and taking me for granted, though I probably get some masochistic enjoyment from that…being able to say “I was good to you…I did everything I could to support you…I put aside my desires and wishes to see you happy! And you just took it and did nothing for me in return!” Aint nobody asked for that! That was my own fault!
Weariness about falling back into old patterns makes me less inclined to seek out connections to others.
Self Acceptance Check
If I want friends and all that, I have to not expect anything from being generous toward others. Otherwise I’ll always be disappointed.
“It’s much easier to get along with people if you meet them where they’re at rather than where you expect them to be.”
AKA, generally have to lower my expectations of others to the point where they are already met.
