State of Affairs
Just came back from lunch with a deprecated geek squad group.
We lamented our relationship progress…or whatever.
Different approaches :
Person 1 : White Male Age 35 (Note : no previous relationship or “relationship” experience) :
- Maintains active accounts on multiple dating websites.
- Chats up a few people a month with at least one dialog resulting in a date.
- Has been doing this for at least a year
Person 2 : Black Female Age 30
- Periodically joins dating websites for a period of 2-3 weeks a few times a year
- Has matched with 3 people this year with at least one dialog resulting in multiple outings
- 2 weeks post last outing, no current plans for additional outings
Person 3 : White Male Age 25
- In a relationship with live in girlfriend
- Country Club/Well connected frat boy type
- Maintains active accounts on multiple dating websites
- Chats up a few people a month with no dialogs resulting in dates
- Has been in a relationship for several years
Person 4 : White Female Age 28
- Maintains no accounts on dating websites
- Chats up a few people a month with several dates
- Country Club/Social sorority girl type
- “Crazy” in the way dudes appreciate
- Goes on vacation with some dates (different people)
- Maintains a rotation for various reasons/usage
Persons 1 and 2 have issues getting dates in the first place. Both are loyal/supportive/non-drama types and are just looking for regular companionship. They also aren’t terrible looking.
Persons 3 and 4 have tons of opportinities for dates, a bit side eye-worthy loyalty wise, are looking for fun/come-uppance, would be considered “hot”.
I suppose perspective is what makes dating easier for some than others.
If you’re looking for a fun time where you get in where you fit in without out much forethought, that’s not too hard to find. I feel like that requires a level of “don’t give a fudge about others” though….
If you’re looking for a nice person that you respect and want to spend time with that you also want to bone. That requires a bit more consideration. Respect piece depends on the person. I’ve talked about my pillars at length so you know what that is for me. Summary though, that’s 100% about character with a side dish of evolutionary biology lust. Wouldn’t waste time with someone who doesn’t fit there out of respect for the person’s time.
For person 1, I truly feel like he’s casting too wide a net. He keeps going for chicks out of his league (not in the traditional sense, but he puts “hot girls” over ones he actually has things in common with). I tried to tell him to limit the scope, but then there’s the conundrum I get : Geeks girls are only cool in theory and not in practice. I’ve been told I’m cute/pretty and smart, but…that’s “boring”.
So here we are.
Person 1 : Is getting discouraged, but will continue to puruse dates. I’m putting him in touch with my life/dating coach person I tried out to focus him more.
Person 2 (me) : I care because it gets lonely sometimes, but not enough to expend effort. Work is my surrogate and I’m okay with that to be honest. It’s the world I know and am comfortable with. Going on dates and trying to find people to date is a lot of work…and I’d rather redirect that energy to something I know has returns. (60% true)
Subtext (The other 40%) : I’m afraid I’m going to be alone and won’t find anyone. I wonder if there’s something wrong with me sometimes. I wonder if people in relationships are really just settling for the most part. I wonder if there some amount of….something…or lack of something that allows people to be in relationships. I know at this point it is a choice to be single, but I really feel like I should be excited to be with someone…not that they’re exciting, but because I fully trust them and they want me because of who I am and not because of what I do for them.
Gross…people are weird.
Disregard all of these thoughts.
*Goes to a meeting
