Run Away!
Hooooo it is officially time to return to school…
Mother worked all week but took off today. It was full of KaNisa you need to, KaNisa I’d feel more comfortable if…KaNisa I think you….
I was like, “say my name one more time…ONE MORE TIME!!!!”
(in my head of course)
In person it’s more like, “…”
And my mother responds with:
“KaNisa why do you have an attitude?”
(Which I don’t actually have outwardly. It’s not like there are any snap, snap, and head wiggle moments. When I’m upset, I just don’t speak. And to my mother if I don’t speak, it means I have an attitude and need an attitude adjustment. ) Not everyone’s chipper all the time though, dang. I just woke up with things on my mind and nagging just aggravates the situation.
And those things…
I think I just might have become be the bad person I’m so critical of. You know that girl who’s all flirtatious and messes with your man behind your back….perhaps catering to part of him that you can’t really reach…or the part that of him you didn’t know you weren’t reaching.
I can never stay on my side of the line when it comes down to this person…I always have to come right up to the line, back up, come right up to it, back WAY back, then take a running leap over. I have no discipline. I really don’t. It’s terrible.
When it comes to line crossing, I’m 108% delusional.
I mean, give me a locked room, this person, a computer, some type of game console, a lifetime supply of Blondies from Applebees, a lifetime supply of anti-child protection, and my personal Blizzard fan and I would pass the time quite nicely.
In reality I just have to be satisfied with maintaining these anonymous cyber connections, becoming an entirely different person than I appear to be… or perhaps maybe I am this person and she’s just repressed…
I suddenly feel like that Zane character in Nervous…good girl on the outside, someone entirely different in the inside…
No reason or excuse to be this way with someone I can’t guiltlessly corrupt or jade though. But when there’s no hint of anyone else like that around…
*sigh…
I think I’ve reached a new low.
Luckily my heart is still safely in check.
I think I might turn into one of those ice cold females who use males simply for pleasure purposes.
Goodness help me, my morals are slowly slipping away…
