Brain Dump
I have this concept in my mind about the way brains work.
If you have frequent thought patterns and behaviors, at a cellular level, that means certain pathways in your brain are more well traveled than others.
Those pathways could be encouraging, depressing, paranoia, optimism…but they’re all there.
I don’t like the word depressed. I feel like people who are depressed aren’t necessarily sad…I think they’re very self aware and maybe cynical.
Like I’ve always been a “glass is half empty” person. Perspective based more on the more realistic outcome of something…I just feel like more often times than not, the bad thing will happen.
I don’t want to change that, I think that’s fine mostly because I’d never want to live in a world of horribly bad American Idol auditions where people embarrass themselves because no one told them the truth…
I don’t know…
I think it’s not good for me to be alone too much even though I do enjoy it, because I get too comfortable being lazy in life.
I think I use work as a crutch/excuse for things I don’t want to face in real life.
Things are easy when you have things to do. Relationships are easier when you have stand-ins like co-workers and office mates.
You don’t notice there’s a gap outside of the context of work….
Until you’re not working. (Like these past two weeks).
I was so happy and excited yesterday because I got to see everyone and people noticed me and missed me and stuff…and the Tesla thing…all opportunities through work.
Then I came home and watched kdramas all night by myself, lol…
Relationships of all sorts just seem annoying to think about. Like bonds with people…I feel…[insert emotion I can’t put words to] about them.
Like it’s something that you want, but also something you don’t feel like putting effort towards.
They can be hugely rewarding…but only if you give yourself over to them.
They can be hugely disappointing…especially when you DO give yourself over to them as things have to matter in order for them to affect you in that way.
And then the internet makes it all worse because of the way people post pictures of themselves doing awesome things with their friends.
It makes you feel like you’re missing out or doing something wrong if you’re not doing that.
I feel like…if I didn’t see that, would I know I’m missing out on something?
Would I be content with my K-drama marathons and book reading?
Are people really necessary to live a happy and fulfilling life?
Besides the whole “having children to carry on the race thing”…do you have to have friends?
At its base, is the need to feel connected to people just some biological trait that ensures people will eventually have sex to carry on the human race?
