Whining About Non-Relationships

February 6, 2012

ETA : Sorry hoes. I’m bad at multitasking. Talking to someone while “proofreading”…one of those tasks will fail..

Riding into work this morning I heard 3, THREE songs on the subject of some person whining about their ex not wanting them anymore or their ex finding someone new.

No wonder people be social networking violin stories!

They think that isht’s okay!

I mentioned how people should “STOP” this the other day, but I have another theory.

I bet, when you whine about an ex moving on for an extended period of time, it’s less about them moving on, and more about your own ego.

If you REALLY think about it, it’s about you taking the self-esteem hit of not being good enough to inspire the other person to be the best version of themselves for you.

That sounds ridiculous right? It’s a lot to ask for!

What else could it be though?

It can’t be that you’re sad a selfish person with horrible communications skills doesn’t want you anymore. That would be a relief!

It can’t be that you’re sad someone blatantly showed you how inconsiderate they are by cheating on you. They’re doing you a favor! You don’t have to guess!

It can’t be that you’re sad you can’t stay with someone you’re not compatible with. You can move on to someone who is!

Hoe! Why are you sad? If you’re not married, they just gave you a lesson in what doesn’t work so you can move on to something that does!

Stick and move!

. . .

That was a lot shorter than I intended it to be.

This entry is dedicated to Drake, Katy Perry, and every Adele song ever.

CAN’T STAND the last artist because of her penchant for whiny songs. I do like this Glee mash-up though way better than the originals.

Love and Relationships

6 Comments

February 6, 2012 at 7:06 pm

Irendi

Did you really just refer to your readers as “hoes”?

1. Not all breakup songs whine. Not all whining songs are bad. They are still someone’s feelings, and those feelings are valid (whether you believe it so or not).

2. Sometimes breakups aren’t so cut and dry/ black and white. People aren’t neat. Relationships most definitely aren’t neat… so most breakups will be messy. It takes time to clean the mess behind a breakup. Some people heal themselves through poetry, some break things, some take time to themselves and reflect. Everyone has their ways of coping.

3. Saying, “Hoe! Why are you sad…” caught me extemely off guard. You’ve referred to your readers as hoes twice now in one sitting. Everyone who has had a relationship that didn’t work out isn’t a hoe. I’d also worry if the relationship was worth having if some small part of a person isn’t sad to see the relationship end (especially if it was a relationship that simply ran its course).

I am hoping that my thinking that you are referring to ALL of your readers as hoes is simply a misunderstanding.
Reply
- February 6, 2012 at 7:42 pm
  
  KaNisa
  
  Generally use “hoe” the way people use “guys”. Not meant as an insult. Searching through the archives yields 2,242 uses of the word in various forms.
  
  Whining to me is lamenting about something you can’t change. I feel like break up songs especially aren’t particularly useful after a while. They seem to be more enablers or things that keep you discouraged or focused on the wrong thing than something that helps, to me anyway. The three I heard this morning had the themes of “she’s not as good as me, I’m more important than her, you could do better”. Instead of the simple fact that they just weren’t meant for you, which is a more realistic and healthy way of thinking about breakups.
  
  If something doesn’t work out, I’d rather spend a SHORT amount of time figuring out why, then moving on rather than festering in thoughts of sadness about why I can’t be with someone who wasn’t meant for me, or even why I couldn’t see signs that were probably glaring problems I chose to ignore.
  
  I did the “wallowing in sadness” thing ONCE. It lasted three years and pretty much canceled out 2 years worth of college because I was spending so much time fixated on someone who didn’t want me. The “whining” types of songs especially fueled this fire of masochism. Not healthy at all.
  
  Now I see break ups as blessings. If it wasn’t meant to be, don’t spend TOO much time on figuring out why. Seriously consider what your part in it was, then do better for next time. 1 box of kleenex, max. After I learned that, breakups (really just one since then) became MUCH easier to get through.
  
  Sure people should be sad a relationship ends, but I’m saying it shouldn’t wreck you either. There’s SO much more in life to experience to have all that blocked by again, someone who wasn’t meant for you anyway. That person is 1 PERSON. A PERSON. A person shouldn’t be able to take your power like that. When it comes to break ups, take the lessons, appreciate the experiences, then clear out and prepare for the person who is meant to teach you more.
  Reply
- February 6, 2012 at 9:00 pm
  
  KaNisa
  
  Oops 118 results, but yeah I use that word a lot.
  Reply
February 7, 2012 at 10:34 am

Pretty Primadonna

I agree that wallowing after a breakup for an extended period is unhealthy; your approach is a much better alternative. I’d like to add that another reason for whining about an ex not wanting you is the notion that that person was your last chance at love, like you have no other options, so you’d rather accept the poor communication, incompatibility, etc. than be alone. <—– also a bad alternative
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- February 7, 2012 at 1:01 pm
  
  KaNisa
  
  Yes! I pair that with the “pretend you’re cool with being friends and making yourself available for them one sided relationship limbo.”
  
  I did that too, lol.
  Reply
February 8, 2012 at 12:16 pm

Patrice

This sounded a bit too critical, but I get your point. (Perhaps it is time to put your use of “hoe” to bed?)

I like Adele songs. They are pathetic and wistful, as are most such songs, but people relate to the emotions, even if not the specifics. I find sad songs strangely energizing.
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