It’s the Weekend I Guess
It’s Friday.
Or I guess Saturday morning.
Extended Geek Squad (ie. Geek Squad +1 woman (fellow Yellow Jacket) and their wives (and husband)) went to dinner Friday Night.
Officially, I am the only single person among the people I hang out with the most.
I thought it would be okay tonight, but it was…strange for me.
Topics of conversation were very…expected. Like the dudes were talking about work, and the women were talking about babies and brunch and stuff.
I couldn’t really relate to the women conversation and wasn’t on the side of the table with the dudes, so I was quiet pretty much the whole time as I’m not interested in brunch and babies.
I feel ultra aware that I don’t have much to say when that group is together because though some of the talk is about work, a lot of it isn’t…and especially not now since everyone is coupled.
Tonight, it was more the married crew with me as the 5th wheel. (Other non married person is in the honeymoon phase of his relationship and is experiencing relations for the first time as a 36 year old so he’s…preoccupied. REALLY proud of him by the way. He put in SO MUCH work over the past year to find someone….)
They talked about the trips they were taking, their wealthy relatives, and roped me in on the Black people related conversations like Ka.nye West and family nannies. (Don’t ask). #PrivilegedPrivilege
It was…weird.
When it’s just geek squad, we talk about work, video games, science, technology, alternate universes, politics, and rip on each other.
When the wives (and female geek squad) person is around it trends more…I don’t know…she talked about going into every store at the mall and buying pajamas.
I don’t know if it was because I was generally tired this week from all the peopleing or what…but I just felt…kind of left out and also overwhelmed from all the talking.
And also sad…they talked about their engagement stories and in-laws and showed pictures of babies…
I can’t relate to any of that…though the Indian custom of the coconut and dollar pre-engagement engagement custom was interesting…
In a strange loop…
Traditional marriage and babies and responsibilities seems stuffy and lame to me.
Genuine connections, and babies made with awesome people, and nation/brand/legacy building activities seem cool to do…if you find the right people do to these things with.
I guess at the end of the day those activities are the same on each side of the fence…
But the way they go about it….by what “custom” says to do rather than what the people decide to do…
Like geek squad lady hadn’t even discussed being engaged with her dude before their families decided they were engaged because they were “old maids” at 25. They didn’t even know what the coconut and dollar meant until the next day almost…
(Future bride’s mom offers a coconut and a dollar to future groom. If he accepts it, that means he’ll marry her daughter. He didn’t know this at the time…he thought it was a special drink. Didn’t ask what the coconut represented, but the dollar represented the dowry. Also, THEY HADN’T EVEN DISCUSSED MARRIAGE YET!)
Also…and I’m sure I’m blowing it up a lot, but for all my “fantasies” I tend to fantasize about unattainable people .
I joke about being forever alone, but I feel like…
Or I can’t even like realistically imagine being in a relationship or having a boyfriend or even caring enough about a dude for something like that…
Not be arrogant I mean I feel like I COULD have a dude if I wanted (some dude gave me his card in the parking lot of Target today which by the way is creepy….like he was supposedly a Las Vegas real estate investor but his website didn’t exist and the domain wasn’t reserved…and there were like 6 fonts on that card……)
*cough*
But yeah…I just…I feel like I’m not expecting explosions and rainbows dude wise, but I do expect at least some kind of affinity?
Like Pillar 5 is important. All the pillars is probably admittedly perfection, but like I cannot pretend to “like” someone if I don’t….
Am I stuck?
Not trying to be sappy, but is forever alone a thing I should just accept at this point?
