Premarital what?
Thought about the roommate conversation a little more today in lieu of starting all this reading I’ll probably be quizzed on tomorrow.
I have to say, in the past year, my opinion of premarital sex has changed several times.
I think though, you have to have a solid stance on this and back it up with solid reasons for why you have the opinion you do because in a weak moment, ideas can change.
At first I was a huge supporter of abstinence. I believed you should only be intimate with the person you marry because that was the original purpose for sex, to communicate with the love of your life, and to populate earth. I also believed in abstinence because it’s been drilled into my head since I was little.
That was before I was in a relationship with someone who evoked different feelings that I’d never had before.
The first date we went on….wasn’t even that serious, and probably wasn’t even a date to him. But the very first date all he did was sit in a chair in a movie and I had thoughts about him in that chair that would me blush if I have the capacity to do so.
That was both scary and exhilarating. I hardly knew this dude and yet when we were around each other, after not even that long, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife.
These feelings really conflicted with my values. I had always believed that I couldn’t be intimate with anyone I wasn’t married to or that I would never have sexual feelings about anyone other than my husband, but clearly, I hardly even knew this guy yet I was already having some unholy feelings about him.
Outside of the initial physical attraction though, getting to know each other was easy and quick. Had a lot in common and I attribute that to astrology to this day. (born within two days of each other…4 year gap no withstanding). Were essentially the same outside the whole sex experience thing…had the same interests. Could spend all day playing video games (KaNisa translation computer games) both pretty vain, both had the same kind of sense of humor, both had the same weaknesses and insecurities (chameleon quality to make sure people always liked us…).
We got real close by our own definition and I began to realize that I actually could feel deeply about someone in a way that I used to think could only be possible in a permanent relationship. I believe, and even still believe that the ultimate expression of these kind of feeligns is through sex and found I myself really wanting to share that despite the fact that I wanted to remain abstinent until marriage….so my view changed to:
As long as you really care about someone in a genuine way then premarital sex is okay because you are intimate in a way that is not just pleasurable but also spiritual and so much deeper than just a casual encounter.
So I got really curious about sex in general, and always asked questions that really shouldn’t be answered…kind of like a don’t ask a question you don’t want to hear the answer to kind of situation. I always got jealous that girls got to be intimate with someone that I cared so much about, and I was hating because I felt like I cared so much more than most of them and yet I hadn’t even gotten to be with him on level that they did. After a while, my premarital sex opinion morphed again and applied itself to the situation:
I want to wait and be different than all the other girls because my relationship with you is different in that it is more significant or more special somehow. Sex won’t be a driving factor but a natural progression of the relationship when the time is right and not driven by the moment.
Fortunately though, that moment never came. We went our separate ways. I’m sure though if we were still together now, the deed would have been done, lol…
Now I can say, once again, the opinion has evolved to combine all of my past ones.
When it comes to premarital sex:
Abstinence until marriage. Not because my parents said so. Not to be different. Not because the Bible suggests it, but because you just never know. When you’re in a relationship you always believe the current person is the one until fate happens and proves you otherwise. I honestly want to give myself as a gift to my husband because my maidenhood is worth so much to me. I feel like he would be the only one to fully appreciate such a gift, not only because I saved it through some incredibly tough times for that special man, but also because of the significant responsibility that brings so much pleasure AND pain. Also I wouldn’t want to have that kind of bond with someone I couldn’t have forever just based on past things I’ve done with people and the attachment I got from those interactions. I couldn’t even imagine how bad it would have been if I hadn’t held out…
Anyway, I guess this can be a new update on the Virgin Chronicles from back in the day. 20 years and exactly 10 months of not being invaded by a penis, lol.
