MVP
Sooo…
Since everything I put down in writing has been coming to pass these days, I’m going to go ahead and talk about something.
People say you shouldn’t have a list of standards for relationship partners, but I kind of think that’s BS. If you don’t have standards or don’t stick to them, it’s easy to get walked on/taken for granted because you don’t set baselines for acceptability in the first place.
I haven’t tried this before, but I think it might be better to pick someone who meets 80% of ones you have, so you don’t have to spend a lot of time training (ha! like you can train an adult) them to be someone you can tolerate.
Or
So you don’t spend a bunch of time voicing concerns about things that are really character traits. You can complain all you want, and try to facilitate changes, but that’s the way they are. In a situation like that, all YOU’LL get is resentment.
Pick someone who you can tolerate as they are instead of trying to change someone into who you want them to be.
That said, herein lies :
KaNisa’s Minimum Viable Product Partner Requirements
Note : All of the following requirements are met by the Stakeholder.
Lifestyle
- Heterosexual
- Net worth of no less than $50k in less than 3 appreciating assets.
- Annual salary between 85k-350k through legal enterprise (career or entrepreneurship)
- Social drinker
- Does not use illegal drugs
- Spiritual, not required to be tied to a specific religion
- No kids
- No criminal record
- Upper Middle Class standard of living
- Has considerable relationship experience, but ready to settle down (He’s experienced MANY different types of relationships and has truly learned and grown from his mistakes.)
- No unresolved issues/feelings with past relationships
- No unresolved issues/feelings with maternal relationships
- No STDs
Thinking that most people would side eye the money related parts. I’m a Taurus. I’m 100% about security…it’s really what I chase the most more than anything else. Money to me is not the end, security is the end. The net worth aspect is more to demonstrate financial responsibility as that $50k number includes debt. It’s my own baseline. They need to meet that as well. I suppose the person could have like a million in money and like $920k in debt, but the likeliehood of me meeting someone like that…
Also the salary range is based on households I’m used to living in. On the upper end, Daddy made around that much when I was living with them in high school. On the lower end, it’s around what I make. I want him to live the kind of life I can provide for myself or better (the life my parents provided for me). Anything more than that is not required. Anything less than that is unacceptable.
It’s a lifestyle thing.
It really is.
Being used to having the same amount of assets at your disposal, managing said assets in a similar way, using said assets in a similar way (vacations, quality of belongings, quality of food, quality of dining establishments, philanthropic activities, etc.)
Similar methods of living…which is also why I’d be back in side eye territory with someone who was considerably more wealthy than what I am used to…like blowing through a couple of thousand during a shopping spree?
Nah. Money isn’t disposable…
Personal Characteristics
- Proactive rather than reactive
- Loyal
- Takes pride in accomplishing things through good old fashioned hard work
- Confident and comfortable in his own skin and his own mind
- Intelligent and wise (two different things : “‘Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.”)
- At least 25% ancestry rooted in the African Diaspora
- In shape physically and cares about his health
- Handy around the home/car/yard and takes such things as hobbies he enjoys
- Generous and thoughtful (Not in a gift way, but in a “doesn’t have to be told to do acts of service” way.
- Primary love language of Acts of Service or Quality Time (Those are mine)
Acts of Service– Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Quality Time – In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
- Established (Financially and emotionally).
- Respectful of others (Time, bodies, etc.)
- Working peen and healthy appetite for using it with one person once in a relationship
- Understanding of setting emotional boundaries around a relationship (to protect the people in it)
This part is more a reflection of maturity and personal responsibility. Someone who is comfortable with who he is and where he’s at in life feels really secure to me, especially when tied to these other requirements.
I tend to attract people who are still trying to figure themselves out, taking them on as projects while telling myself it’ll be my turn to reap the benefits soon.
As a result most of my exes get married within 2 years of our breakup and treat their spouses like queens.
You’re welcome.
LOL…
But yeah. Will make a conscious effort to seek out established dudes in the future so we can be independently strong with occasional cheerleading and assists when needed.
Which I feel is really a small window of opportunity as they mostly just pick up whoever’s around once they reach that point and are ready to be married…
—
But yeah that’s mostly it. I suppose that might seem like a lot, but I’m really just looking for someone who is where I am emotionally and maturity wise.
