KaNisa’s Relationship Advice
It’s interesting to see people handle situations you’ve been through differently.
I can say I am so blessed and so thankful that my parents raised me the way they did. Though sometimes I may complain, I have such an advantage in life just because of the values that they instilled in me.
Breaking up with a loved one is so hard. Everyone goes through cycles of grief and everyone deals with it differently. Some can just feel bad for a second and be done, some can feel bad for a few weeks and be done, and others never get over it.
I think relationship readiness and recovery when it goes wrong are directly proportional. If you’re not ready in the first place, it’ll take you longer to get over it.
I speak from experience.
I’m seeing two people going through two stages of the last relationship I was in and it’s really opening my eyes to a lot of things. I can say it’s definitely helping me heal this last little bit up pretty quickly just because…well hindsight is 20/20, and it’s much easier to help someone with a situation when you’re not going through it yourself.
One recently broke up with a loved one and is in the “I want them back” phase so I thought I would write a little guide…
KaNisa’s Guide to Getting Over Breakups
Common Advice: There was a reason why you were with them at that time just as there is a reason why you’re not now. You have to get over it and move on because they definitely have.
Common response: I don’t want to get over them.
Result: You don’t. You keep finding ways to keep in touch even if it’s superficial and seemingly innocent, and the grief continues.
How to fix it: The only way to get over that feeling is by cutting them off and not speaking. (Which is much easier said than done…) Until you sever that line you’re going to be open to feeling grief about the relationship.
Common Advice: Find other things to do. It’ll distract you from you feelings and give you a new focus.
Common response: That’s bull.
Result: You sit wallowing and rationalizing until you drive yourself crazy.
How to fix it: I think the “find other things to do” fixer is somewhat lame. I think you should set a time period for “wallowing” then once it’s up, move on. Go out with friends. Find new dates. Get involved in organizations so you don’t even have time to think about them or any other penis holders…I mean…members of the target sex…*cough
Common Advice: Don’t blame those that follow for the one that came before
Common response: What do you mean? He was the cream of the crop! If we didn’t work out then no one will because no one compares.
Result: You become bitter toward the target sex and don’t give them a chance to know you.
How to Fix it: Actually, I don’t know how to fix that one as I’m still dealing with it myself. LOL I’m always like, “you lame penis holders are all the same…”
Not that anyone doesn’t compare…I’m positive someone surpasses people’s last ex, it just takes time, patience, and open eyes to find them.
Common Advice: It wasn’t your fault. They just weren’t ready.
Common response: I know. I’m a victim. Poor innocent me.
Result: You go around thinking your isht doesn’t stink and that there must be something wrong with everyone else.
How to Fix it: Guess what? You weren’t that innocent. If you were so perfect, they’d still be with you. I myself have memories of things I did that weren’t the most becoming of girlfriends…thoughts and actions that I definitely would not do now…
Like the poem says, “If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, but make allowance for their doubting too…” Accept that you were just as responsible for the relationship ending and work on the things you know you were wrong for…
Other random advice:
A significant other does not complete you. They compliment you. You should be complete on your own before trying to be in any kind of healthy relationship. That includes but is not limited to:
– Having a group a friends to hang out with
– Having your own hobbies separate from you S.O.
– Having thoughts and opinions that are uniquely yours
– Having a positive self image
BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHO YOU TELL YOUR BUSINESS TO! For the most part, if you have an issue, discuss it with your S.O. Friends cannot know your situation and will sometimes give you a tainted opinion due to jealousy or other nasty influences…
Also…just to reiterate and reword.
IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE. DISCUSS IT WITH YOUR S.O. They cannot know that you have an issue unless you tell them. Bring things up before they have another outlet like cheating or unexplained distance.
Alright that’s it for KaNisa’s relationship advice. I am not talking out of my anus this time like I used to do back in the old journal all this knowledge comes from some hard learned lessons.
Now go forth and be fruitful!
*says KaNisa as she contraditcs her how opinion of it’s lame that everyone is obsessed with relationship advice …
