I can only be me
I am not usually a big TV watcher, but recently with the free time afforded to me, I’ve been doing it a bit more. I mentioned the other day that I’d been watching Soul Food and that it appealed to me because it reminds me of my sisters and me.
The sisters on that show always fight with each other. They sometimes say hurtful, but true things when calling each other out…and they’re mad about it for a while, but they eventually get over it and appreciate each other’s honesty.
I can appreciate that. Sometimes it takes the people who care about us most to point things out about ourselves that we either don’t want see, or don’t want to confront.
Recently I’ve had a situation where a person very close to me pointed out some things about myself that at first I was very defensive to and hurt by, but just thinking about it, they were 100% right. It’s really hard to come grips about issues you’ve been dealing with you’re entire life, but there comes a point in time where if you don’t deal with those issues, it will pollute not only your mind, but your ability to have healthy relationships.
I have been so busy trying to do and be what other people want me to do and be, I haven’t taken into account who I want to be or what I want to do…or even who I am. I suppose I’ve always tried to base my opinions of myself on what others think of me, and that will just never work or ever be a good thing.
It’s a shame that it took someone else to make me really look at myself and take inventory, but at least it’s a start. I am working on reaching the point where I am able to overcome whatever happened in this past and use it not to gauge what’s happening now, but as lesson, a character builder. That which does not kill me, will make me stronger…or another words, that which does not kill me should not make me afraid of taking another risk…it should make a better person, and allow me to appreciate the blessings I have received.
I’m not saying this change in me will happen overnight. It will take time, but from now on I know what I need to work on and will take a more assertive path to learning and loving myself.
. . .
Wow…all that sounded so cliché, but whateva’ it’s my truth.
By the way, have you ever seen the movie Phat Girlz?
Now I will be the first one to say that I usually don’t like movies like that, you know movies like Nor.bit, The Nu.tty Profes.sor, or at the very worst So.ul Pla.ne. I always got annoyed at movies that try to cater to black people by playing on stereotypes or things like that.
But Phat Girls REALLY hit the nail on the head. I mean I may have the exact opposite issue Monique did (people think I’m way to skinny instead of big bone-did) but the underlying issue of letting insecurities get in the way…I mean that movie…EXACTLY…what I’m going though. Like to the letter…I mean…even what the dude said to the chick AND the fact that the dude was of Nigerian descent..lol…
I was like, “for REAL God? This is like exactly the same!”
The Lord certainly works in mysterious ways…
