Don’t Wake Me, I’m DreamaaAAAn…
Surrealness happening all day long.
Surreal Instance #1
Never mind what I said before…the marination is coming to fruitation. I feel like yesterday’s didn’t even happen. It’s like a dream, or something I made up. Out of the thousands of times I imagined this “reunion” with “the ex” I’m not sure any of them turned out the way it did in real life. There were some variations that were close, but it still wasn’t quite right…
Regardless though, looking back even though it seemed unreal, it also seemed familiar. We were very familiar with each other, almost like just a day or even a few hours had passed since we last saw each other instead of almost two years. Although I am somewhat bitter and angry because of what went down, it all kind slid away when he was around. It’s exactly like he’s a bad puppy or a naughty child. He’s can’t help himself. I just wanted to put him in my pocket and give him a pat. Just a tiny little pat…
But of course such thoughts and feelings are precise reasons as to why we shouldn’t be in each other’s presence because there is just too much there and we can never be just friends. It should be, see you on the street, “hey how are you?” and walk on by, but there’s something there that is so familiar and natural you want to be around them. With them, you can just be yourself and not pretend. I feel like we’re both people that have different guises on for different situations in our lives and it was just really refreshing and enjoyable to just chill and play a video game or watch TV together just because you want to and not because you have any obligation to, and still have an incredible time.
That’s just it…
Having an incredible time being completely yourself doing NOTHING AT ALL and not only be accepted as you are but to be as desired when you’re not even trying…EVEN when you just have lounging clothes on. EVEN when you know you’re not looking 100%. Looking BROKE and still being desired and accepted? What a confidence booster! LOL! I miss that. That was really nice to experience again. It’s been forever since I’ve actually felt someone close to my standards be that genuine and accepting…and shoot even be attracted to where I can sense it.
(For the record I was looking right the first time he saw me, but I later changed clothes as I was coming from a business meeting.)
I think I’ve figured out my appeal to him as far as being a “friend.” I represent realness and youth. I’m still in college, my obligations are schoolwork not jobs, or bills, or real world adult responsibilities. I represent fun and superficiality. Our conversation was so superficial even when clearly at times superficial actions were not being had. It’s like we don’t have to talk about serious things. Somehow it all still gets handled without arguments or serious talks. The whole visit was about seeing each other one last time before he becomes someone’s husband, but “why are you marrying her” and “so I guess this is goodbye” and all the serious sentimental thoughts weren’t spoken it was just understood. It was well let’s just hang out this last time and enjoy each other while we still can. Actually, I don’t even think the word “goodbye” was even said.
So in summary. Yesterday with “the ex” was surreal, enjoyable, but dangerous. He CAN NOT come around frequently, and certainly not in a place as personal as my apartment or else I might lose my heart again. And I REFUSE to be somebody’s mistress…
Surreal Situation #2
I GOT AN INTERVIEW WITH MICROSOFT!!! Next Thursday I will be pimping myself to one of the top companies in the universe. I guess their Microsoft Skinz challenge was a door opener as I’m positive they wouldn’t have gotten to know me otherwise. I’m praying I get this job, it would be an absolute DREAM to live outside of Seattle. It’s not far from Whistler Ski Resort in Canada (it’s my dream to have property there and have getaways with friends and romantic interests). It’s not far from oceanic beeches (wanted property over there too for the summer time). I have family in Seattle (anyone remember Digable Planets? They sang that song Cool Like That? Butterfly is my cousin…his part of the fam lives in Seattle). AND IT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY FROM MY PARENTS. (Who think I won’t amount to much with my random degree.) Take that beeches!
The future is looking quite nice…
Let me go study for this test now so I can at least graduate…lol
