Not Something New
*sings* Summer breeze makes me feel fine…
Except when it’s 210 degrees and I’m driving a car with no air conditionerrrrr…*
Today was the excruciatingly long day of work. Six hours may be a normal or even short day for most people, but there’s only so much you can do in a small store with hardly any customers for that long. ..
Nothing interesting to report on this mundane Monday. I was accosted by a male of the Caucasian Persuasion, but I felt that he was much younger than me. Plus I’m not sure I’m ready to go all “Something New.”
I don’t know what it is. Back in the day when I was the only black person anywhere, I didn’t see a thing wrong with interracial dating. In fact, I was a bit prejudiced of my own race. Whenever I WAS around my black peers, they thought I was snobby or that I “talked white” so I in turn believed they were all judgmental and rude.
When I lived in Texas, mostly black males dated white females or latino females. Black females stuck in the race. (This was the trend for the 13 and under crowd who really shouldn’t be dating anyway.) I got my first crush on a black person at age 13. Well technically, he was mixed (mother was Mexican father was Black). It was an unfortunate humiliating experience though as a girl that liked him, Holly I think her name was, quite “experienced” at the tender age of 13, thought I was a loser and told him as much.
Mississippi, ironically, was the melting pot of interracial dating. In the 14 to 18 crowd, black dated white, white dated asian, hispanic dated asians every combination you could think of was going on. There were two black males in my 8-12 grade private school so there wasn’t much of a selection. Crush of early high school years was Chinese this time (oh yeah, I was multicultural). He was smart, larger than life, extremely nice, and aesthetically pleasing.
In the middle of junior year, I moved to Southwest Georgia. Interracial dating? OUT OF THE QUESTION! There were three black people in my class of 60. The school I went to was what I thought the Mississippi one would be like. Once again a private, parents would stare at me and wonder how I could afford to go there. Coaches always confused me with the track girl that was a year under me. (We both were black and had longish hair. That was the only similarity.) People were calling people the N word, incredibly rude parents…one actually thought I was a janitor there! (Which by the way, why are all of the janitors black down here? That bothers me…)
College. Not that many black people go to Georgia Tech, but it’s the most I’ve ever seen in life. Since I got my first boyfriend freshman year (who was black and the first male who was ever mutually attracted) I believed in and embodied that saying “once you go black, you never go back.” I can finally say I LOVE black people. We are so beautiful and unique…
I was reading this book about racial identity “Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria” by Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum and she talked about people who’ve grown up with similar situations as mine. She says when some people finally get to a place where they’re around more black people or when you reach a certain level awareness, they become almost consumed with the idea of being black. “The third stage in Cross’s model, immersion/emersion is characterized by a strong desire to surround oneself with symbols of one’s racial identity, and actively seek out opportunities to learn about one’s own history and culture with the support of same race peers.”
I have to say, that’s definitely me since I’ve been in college. I find that my prejeduceness has switched around. I’m more suspicious of the intentions of other races. I get weirded out by inter-racial dating, especially black/white, I feel victimized around people of the Caucasian Persuasion, and get especially angry when some patronize me. (I despise being patronized anyway, but still.)
Luckily, the book says it’s normal and that this fierce racial identification is a phase.
