Last December
Was listening to Fairy God Boyfriend as per usual and got in my feelings earlier today. A Song Called L.ast December from one of my favorite albums The Ra.inbow Chil.dren came up (randomly the album is a thinly veiled commercial for Jeh.ovah Witnesses but whatev, good music).
Goes like this :
If ur Last December came
What would u do?
Would anybody remember
2 remember u?
Did u stand tall?
Or did u fall?
Did u give ur all?
Did u ever find a reason
Y u had 2 die?
Or did u just plan on leaving
Without wondering y?
Was it everything it seemed?
Or did it feel like a dream?
Did u feel redeemed?
In the name of the Father
In the name of the Son
We need 2 come 2gether
Come 2gether as one
Did u love somebody
But got no love in return?
Did u understand the real meaning of love?
That it just is and never yearns?
When the truth arrives
Will u b lost on the other side?
Will u still b alive?
In the name of the Father
In the name of the Son
We need 2 come 2gether
Come 2gether as one
In ur life did u just give a little
Or did u give all that u had?
Were u just somewhere in the middle?
Not 2 good, not 2 bad?
In the name of the Father
In the name of the Son
We need 2 come 2gether
Come 2gether as ONE
Side note : This is why deep diving into his work is so transformative. He will REGULARLY have you questioning your life. It’s emotionally exhausting.
So yeah, I was like “well poop” and posted the following status on facebook :
I know social media is a farce for the most part, but even in person it seems like a lot of people have crazy amazing life experiences? I’m just like “oh yeah…well I’ve built 63 applications and have a house and stuff SO THERE.” #WhatsTheMatterWithMyLife #WhatKindOfLifeDoILive #ThisIsAFarce
Got lots of responses. I feel like most people feel this way for the most part. I wasn’t really thinking about people posting things on social media because those are obviously highlights, but people truly just living life and having amazing experiences that are more than my “oh hey I had dinner and drinks and went dancing with people who worked for Pri.nce last weekend and we bonded over loving him.” (Legit what I did last Saturday. Met one of his dancers at a party a few months back and she invited me to her birthday celebrations. One of his promoters from the 90’s came too. It was AMAZINGLY FUN but still, I was like YOU’VE LIVED MY DREAM! The coolest part was hearing their stories about what he was like and their interactions with him. #VicariousLiving
Even my boss’s boss was telling me about how he used to live in Minneapolis and saw Boyfriend at Firs.t Avenu.e several times…and had even played there himself as a guitarst in a band. I was like, “NO WONDER WHY YOU’RE ALWAYS SO HAPPY HERE WHILE THE REST OF US ARE STRUGGLING! YOU’VE ALREADY LIVED YOUR BEST LIFE! IT’S ALL DOWNHILL NOW! I’VE DONE NOTHING BUT WORK FOR YOU MY WHOLE ADULT LIFE!”
Facebook people said “well make changes” for the most part and that “life experiences aren’t always all they cracked up to be. Family and friends are what’s really important.”
The latter comment from the people who have LITERALLY DONE EVERYTHING EVER. Yeah family and friends are a thing, BUT I WANT TO DO INTERESTING THINGS TOOOO!!!
lol
My problem is, I’m not sure what’s interesting. I don’t know anything besides working. I’ve not really done anything else.
I’m not interested in traveling….
Hobbies…eh.
Drugs…I’m good on those.
Jumping from an airplane…meh.
I want to “LIVE”…I’m just not sure what “living” is.
I don’t know what my “best life” looks like…
Once again, thanks a lot boyfriend for making me consider such things.
Join me in life change and despair.
