TGI Motherfluffin F!
Hello Friday!
Never woulda made eett….
Wow this week has been….stretching. Character wise.
I’m wholly over all these “opportunities for growth”. I feel like I’m CONSTANTLY being tested like…I can’t catch a break!
Weekly Happiness Score 3.45
Neutral – not really happy or unhappy. A score of 3.5 would reflect an equal number of happy and unhappy responses. Exercises designed to increase happiness have been tested in scientific studies and have been shown to make people lastingly happier.
We are trending downward since I started counting…
Not a ton of self time this week. Tons of fires at work. Always a new emergency. Having to remove someone from a contract, dealing with how to help them reconcile that. All the requests for time, meetings, organizing trainings, organizing interviews, delivery work, fixing applications, estimating new work with million dollar budgets, strategic planning for FY16, feature exploration for new applications, consolidating feedback from workshops, writing feedback and assessments for 7 employees, writing my own assessment, holding kickoffs for my new role as a mini program manager of the second largest division at my main client, writing out development plans for my staff of 15, wrapping up a proposal effort for a new commercial client, pricing it, and finding staff for that, setting up the dev tools for yet another client on the Defense side where I’m their front-end developer…
…this has been my last 5 days and that’s not even everything.
This has been my pace for the past several months. I honestly don’t know how I’m able to manage this…or maybe I’m not because I FOR REAL don’t feel like doing ANYTHING on the weekends. I make time for my little mentee, but anyone else mostly seems like noise. Like I literally CANNOT STAND being around people on the weekend. It makes me so uncomfortable now.
I did have a good time at the Hawks game on Wednesday (free tickets from work…took Tinder dude). He hinted at hanging this weekend as well, but I honestly am full up on people. I need quiet time where I do what EYE want, not doing stuff for or accommodating other people. Not personal at all I just need rest. I need this break. Weekends are SO important to me now. Weekends without obligations…
I need a balance to this at some point. The idea of relationships of any sort (friendship, situationship, romance, relations) seem like such a hassle and waste of energy. Like I truly do not see them as anything other than an obligation that takes away from my peace. It gets lonely sometimes, but I’d rather be lonely than having even more (optional) people taking even more of my energy. I truly barely have any at all anymore.
This is not me being depressed, I’m really not. I’m just run down. It’s like I want help, but not if you’re going to add to the stress, you know? And most people really just add to the stress rather than take it away.
I don’t need any more stress. Truly.
I need…just…to relax. Have fun. Not worry. Be de-obligated. Let somebody else handle it. Not plan. Be taken care of.
Just be.
