Mid-Week Update

July 22, 2015

Hump day thank god.

I wonder how much stress people carry around normally. I think I need to get a better way of dealing.

Between work (2 new projects, one involves calls at all times of the night to speak with international users…in addition to the daily fires that happen during the day and all the escalation issues that come with being a manager), Black people PTSD (see new list of people killed this week), my annoyance at fulfilling the “independent lonely black women whose degrees keep her warm” stereotype, and whatever family drama is going on (lull at the moment thankfully)…I think the full load is finally starting to take its toll.

I think I’m rapidly approaching burn out.

I do get all my work done, but I’m…tired…not always physically, but mentally.

I spent 30 minutes looking for my keys this morning only to find they were still in the ignition of my car…and my car was turned on Auxiliary. (I sat in my car for about an hour when I got home…just sitting there).

I want my brain to just stop for a moment…longer than an hour it takes to cut my yard or during the time I’m playing some computer game. I played this for 12 hours on Sunday to “relax” for example :

Even “leisure time” is more planning…keeping people alive…making sure people have what they need…executing a strategy so that more and better things can happen later, making sure everyone is healthy, has enough food, properly clothed, has the right tools…training people so they can be efficient in building tools, or harvesting food, or cutting down trees…..

Basically real life applied to a different situation.

I feel like I’m complaining a lot on here too….which I also don’t like though I guess that’s normal…

What do I do? How do you make it stop?

I just…need a break.

How do you take a break when you sincerely programmed to be this way?

Hahaha…sr person just came in and asked me to a do a graphic for him as a favor as soon as possible.

Me : Sure!