Don’t be mad…
…cuz I’m doing me better than you’re doing you.
Finding that my libertarian sensibilities is making me too open minded about stuff. I never really notice how much I’ve evolved until I talk to family and people I knew in college.
I’m the youngest of 3 daughters. We were all mostly raised the same way and came out with similar values, but we’ve learned to handle things differently based on how we’ve applied our life lessons to our experiences.
When you do something for someone, don’t expect anything in return.
I always felt weird about this…being generous. I get the feedback that I’m too generous, always doing too much for people, and I didn’t quite understand.
Middle sister is stressed (and mad at me) for not being overly involved in the Dr. sister’s wedding. She’s put in a lot of money and time to help plan, and is the Maid of Honor.
I mostly just paid for and planned the bridal shower.
Why?
1) I know what I can afford.
2) I barely have enough time to have my own personal life with work, literally 12-14 hour days for weeks now.
3) That’s what wedding planners are for.
She has someone who does this full time helping…let her earn her paycheck!
I used to spend a lot of time being mad at or resentful of people because they didn’t put as much effort into things as I did…but honestly it’s a bit of a waste in some respects. When you go 100% at something, notice that you have 0% left to give toward other things. I feel like I’ve gotten smarter about what I put my resources toward, not just money, but time, effort, and thoughts…because no matter what you’re investing in, what really gets sacrificed in the end is YOU.
When someone says “I didn’t ask you to do this” or “you don’t have to do all that” or “you’re doing too much”, they’re probably right.
Check yourself because what will quickly follow after that is YOUR resentment.
“Consent is key.”
Again, listening to the se.x positi.ve podcasts has really opened my mind to the notion of accepting people as they are. While for the most part, I’m still pretty conservative when it comes to relationships, it makes sense that it’s not okay to judge others for living their lives a different way. If anything, the wide breadth of opportunities and experiences really should make people more accountable and honest about the way they live their lives.
I REALLY admire people who are able to swin.g and have polyamorou.s relationships. It requires you to be truly mature, selfless, and honest with yourself and others….and it is completely in the spirit of human experience rather than restriction and judgement. Also, the communication skills that are required for such things are crazy evolved from what I’ve noticed in mono-relationships. It’s EXTREMELY important to voice and address issues as they come up to help combat the indoctrination everyone has regarding how relationships should go…and just help to people be sane.
“There is no should”
This is actually a saying I got from the poly podcast, but I like the basic idea. I feel like in the past I’ve had a lot of side eye…and probably always will, but my side eye isn’t for people different than me now, it’s more for people who aren’t genuine….or they’re inconsistent. There is no “right” way to live. You have to find out what you want to do, then do those things. It’s okay if you don’t want a 9-5, or you don’t want to be married, or don’t want to have kids…just be sure that you adjust your expectations as well. Recognize that the choices you make will have an impact on your environment…and that your actions don’t operate in a vacuum. The world doesn’t really revolve around you…which leads me to…
Take it with a grain of salt
If someone is upset with you or reacting to something you’ve done in an “extreme” way, consider the source. 72.8% of the time, it’s not even about you, it’s about them projecting their issues onto you. They have a choice in dealing with you, just as you have with them. If you feel you’ve been consistent and they’re mad that you haven’t changed for them, it’s kinda on them to deal or move on. Pick people with similar values, or adjust your expectations and exchanges with them.
***
But yeah, maybe I AM learning some lessons these days!
