The Zone
So there have been 5 million thought pieces about Elliot Rod.ger since his killing spree took place.
The Twitter had hashtag #YesAllWomen with women talking about how we deal with wayward dudes on the daily and how the Elliot situation is but a more extreme version of what we deal with regularly.
Dudes also saying #NotAllMen treat women this way.
Because every single woman I know has a story about a man feeling entitled to access to her body. Every. Single. One. #YesAllWomen
— Emily (@emilyhughes) May 24, 2014
“I have a boyfriend” is the easiest way to get a man to leave you alone. Because he respects another man more than you. #yesallwomen
— Rylah (@JBRylah) May 25, 2014
Because every woman I know has experienced some form of sexual harassment, abuse or assault, myself included. #YesAllWomen
— Leah Pickett (@leahkpickett) May 25, 2014
#YesAllWomen b/c not returning someone’s feelings, or as society calls it putting them in the “friend zone”, should not make me feel guilty
— Business Sam (@Sam_Slagle) May 25, 2014
#YesAllWomen because when a girl is harassed or even groped by a stranger in public, we’re told to “take it as a compliment”
— Amy Bottrill (@bottrill) May 25, 2014
#YesAllWomen because we’re taught to fear if we don’t do everything “right” we asked for it if we get raped.
— Laurie Moody (@ljmBAMAfan) May 25, 2014
Because the friendzone is the fictional exile of the entitled. #yesallwomen
— Harrison Mooney (@HarrisonMooney) May 25, 2014
Not trying to be funny…
I seriously have not met 1 dude who has not participated in such things to some degree.
Not one.
Ever.
Sooo…yeah.
Thing is, there are varying degrees to this…like dude’s bitterness at being “friend zoned” (aka. she’s not attracted to you), the PUA community (treating women like they’re nothing special to attract women you wouldn’t want to be with anyway because it worked), to the harsh people like Elliot (where misogyny and violence collide with Aspergers).
Everyone’s talking in extremes…no not every dude is a rapist…but entitlement is real.
No not every girl deserves a rich gorgeous dude who would pay for her life….entitlement is real.
I’m really trying to understand the other side of this from a dude point of view though.
As the member of the chick version of the “awkward nerd who didn’t get any” club…I do at least understand feeling left out…or that it seems like the girls who put their ASSets first are the ones who get the dudes after them…or that being a “nice girl” gets you tossed to the side most times. Or that it doesn’t matter if you look pretty okay, treat dudes well, and have your isht together…because you’ll get passed over for the crazy chick that’s more exciting.
I feel that truly.
But at the same time, I don’t get why dudes get truly angry and upset over it.
While I don’t have dudes sniffing after me like other girls do, for me, though I feel some kind of way about it sometimes, it’s actually a great filter.
Say you DO get girls after you by the boatload. Then you have a different kind of problem…because when you’re doing numbers like that, most of the time they’re not particularly attracted to YOU as a person, they’re attracted to what you represent. It’s STILL not about you. It’s about them.
See any amount of celebrity dudes who are still profoundly lonely despite having vagin.a handed to them on plate, daily. They complain that it seems like everyone is using them…that no one is really there for them, and they have no one to turn to really (besides drugs).
So there’s that.
So what then?
What do we do when it seems like we’re missing out on life because of what the media, movies, facebook and instagram are saying everyone else is doing?
For me, I’d say, first chill.
Second, think about what YOU want. Not what people say you should have, or what you think you should have, but what do you want?
It’s not really that you want girls/dudes to like you.
Or that you want to be popular.
Or that you want to feel wanted/desired by someone…
Wouldn’t it be nice if you honestly didn’t care about that very much?
If you could be busy living life while not really spending a lot of time thinking about what you don’t have?
It’s super cliche, but it really does all start with you liking yourself first…being proud of things you worked hard at. Performing esteemable acts…not based on what you’ve done in response to someone else, but what you’ve worked on and done for yourself.
For me, that’s working in my yard, cutting my grass playing video games, cleaning the house, getting my hair done, getting my nails done, getting a wax NEVER AGAIN if I prioritized better, it would be me working out or eating better.
None of these things benefit other people. It just makes me feel accomplished or helps me to feel better about myself except the waxing part, NEVER AGAIN!
I’m very much sure that when you get busy living your own life, people are attracted to that type of genuine confidence it builds in you. They want to know your secret and want to be like you not because of what you say or what you pretend to be, but because of who you genuinely are. Devote your time to being a well rounded person…
- Physical Health – There’s something to working out. More than how it changes the way you look, it also really makes you feel better because chemicals.
- Mental Health – Let it go!! Let it goooooo!! Really, not everything is about you. Most stuff are people’s projections. THOSE are the people you need to watch out for…
- Spiritual Health – Not religion but being a good and honest person. Part of mental health, let stuff go…and don’t hold things against people. Instead for you figure out if you can deal with someone..and if you can’t, again let them go be them…over there.
- Financial Health – Live within your means…or if you want more means, sacrifice to get it. Big bucks don’t come easy…they require time and HARD work. The hard work part also builds character and keeps you humble.
But yeah. Those things I think really help balance my “it’s not fair” feelings. I pretty much know I’m awesome..and that my awesomeness is rooted in real and tangible accomplishments…not just vapor. If people can’t see that, their loss. If the few that know me DO see that…their gain.
As far as the “users” part…still working that, but each day is better day by day….
