PSA: In case you didn’t know, it’s winter
*Taps podium with pointer.
Okay class. It’s time to get started.
It’s been brought to my attention that some of you are confused about how to dress in this weather we have here in Atlanta. I’m going to devote this time to give you a crash course.
Let’s just jump right in here. First slide please:
This is the weather report for today. Notice that it is 18 degrees Fahrenheit with a wind chill of 7 degrees. Please note that whenever the temperature is below freezing, one should take extra caution to protect oneself from the frigid air.
Next slide please.
Becky. Oh, Becky. I know sometimes as a female we must make the choice between cute and comfort. This, however, is not one of those times.
You look a mess.
Firstly, according to the weather channel, it’s 18 degrees…and feels like 7 degrees. Why in the HAIL are you just wearing a sweater?
This is unacceptable.
Unless you have three layers under that thing (which is doubtful) you are inappropriately dressed. I’m mo need you to put on some stockings and or unions as well as another long sleeved shirt under that sweater.
And a coat
And a scarf.
And a hat/beanie to cover those ears.
Next slide please.
Next slide.
Matt. Why matt? I just got on your girl Becky a minute ago! Just because you have a penis, doesn’t mean you have an aura of manhood that girds you from coldness! In fact, isn’t it MORE important for you to dress warmly so as not to have your testicles hide up in your throat never to be seen again?
I’m mo also need you to adorn yourself in unions…
ASIDE! [Gah dang! Right here! Right now!!! MAN I’m a sucker for males worth certain builds and as I sit in this class, I see a fine specimen of male. MMPH, Mmph, mmph. Man you need to be mass produced.]
IN MY VAGI[END ASIDE].
. . .and you need a beanie and a jacket. NO need to preserve your sexy. You don’t have any.
Next slide.
Alright then class. I hope you are now properly informed. Just as a general rule, before leaving the house, ask yourself and seriously consider:
What season is it?
And just for reference, these are unions:
Class dismissed.
