Love and all that isht

December 7, 2005

Have you ever gone through a period where you just don’t want to hear about certain things?

I’m going through that now. I get annoyed when I hear/see the following:
Love songs
Sappy movies
Sappy moments in TV shows
Beloved’s lovey dovey journal entries (love them normally, but now i’m always like “that’s so unrealistic! even though they may be true for her and others…bastages)
Somebody saying how you have to wait and wait and wait before you get someone worthy as they tug along their boyfriends…

Sometimes you don’t want to hear it. It’s like going up to a hungry person and saying, “don’t worry, you’ll get food one day…”

And then taking a big bite out of an oversized turkey leg.

Nobody wants to hear that.

Then it’s annoying because:
You remember the time used to be like those people that are annoying.
When all those songs made you go “aww” because you were going through it
When you start to associate songs with people knowing full well you’ll never be able to listen to them again if something happens in the relationship…

It’s a weird opinion I have of males right now. 92% of me is like F them…selfish beings out for #1, themselves. 8% says maybe not everyone is that way.

It’s not even like I’ve shut myself off from them. One the contrary actually, I’ve actually been spending more time with people in a way that I don’t usually without several months or weeks of “talking”…depending on the situation. (I’m not saying I’ve done anything terrible! I’m just slow at things when it comes to relationships when it comes to today’s standards…wow that sounds bad too…I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING!) But I also kind of feel like a player by KaNisa standards because I’ve never talked to more than one person at a time.

Then it’s not even like I’m really “talking” to anyone it’s more like I know there’s potential with more than one person…

And it’s a circle of strange feelings because there’s a wall up around me that I know will be very hard to break down so I’m not really taking anyone seriously… or at least I’m not getting my hopes up about anyone.

And then with sorority stuff happening, I’m sure there will be ample opportunity to play (play?!) around once finals aren’t looming.

So to summarize, my tone toward relationships/males:

I’m kind of weary of them right now and I’m using it as an excuse to not take anything seriously. At the same time though, deep down, and we’re talking deep deep deep down at the electron circling a nucleus level, I still am looking for one that is true and will last.

Wow the duailty of this point of view in this entry is so obvious…kind of interesting.

No it’s not (lol)…

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December 7, 2005 at 5:51 pm

Anonymous

Hi…just searching the blogs. Okay, I am wasting time and avoiding doing something productive, not good. Anyway, I read your last blog entry and it made me think back a few years. I was a single mom of two young boys. I lived in a college town where the average age was about 20 and I was 32, maybe more. I was going to college, broke as all get out and lonely for a man (as in a real relationship with a man). I think it had been years since I had even had a date and honest, I’m not ugly or anything…anyway, I told someone that I was so lonely I thought I would die and the response was “at least you have your kids”. Ya, I had my kids but that was a different kind of love and I needed both kinds, know what I mean? So I turned back to her and said something like “ya, they come in so handy when I get horny” and her jaw dropped. Good grief, she just did not get it…kids are kids and adults are adults….we need both. Okay, several years later I did get the adult relationship I longed for and 12 years later I still am happy with him. Oh, the kids…grown and gone. I was a long wait but well worth it! Good luck.