June Retrospective
Gosh I said I would do these at the end of each month, huh? Let’s see…what happened in June…
Honestly, my life has been work and Prin.ce….like basically just that.
I am SO behind on all of my shows…watched maybe 2 episodes of Gam.e of Thron.es this season and I couldn’t tell you what happened during them…and it’s over now.
Couldn’t even really get through one episode of Orang.e is the New Blac.k. Like I have been ALL CONSUMED by Pri.nce these past few months.
It’s certainly unhealthy.
Let me think about why this is the case…
I know I was looking for a target for all my dude feelings since there isn’t a real one…and I know I’ve mentioned he’s “perfect” for this theoretically as he’ll never be able to me normalized now. Unfortunately, digging in the history solidified him as perfect (for me not in general) so that sucks.
My trustworthiness as it relates to dude is on the fraudulent side I suppose…I JUST said he was the Dr. Jekyll to the Mr. Hyde…but then read another book that basically put him closer to the pillar thing….whatever it doesn’t matter.
Generally still afraid of being forever alone. Like that INTJ danger of thinking yourself out of romance and love is REAL.
I detect that people are attractive, but not people I encounter in real life…perhaps I should widen my circle?
Work is stressing me a lot because we have a month left of my first project I’m a lead for…and the budget is 900k.
We’re under budget, but there’s a lot to do…I’m sort of a perfectionist when it comes to my work…and my hands are tied because when it comes to development, I’m more front end than back end so I can’t step in and fix things like I normally could on smaller scaled projects…it’s not on me to do that but to direct my developers to the higher priority issues. Every day is handling the politics of being bleeding edge for the organization (lots of people really uncomfortable with what we’re doing because they don’t fully understand the technology), managing the client’s expectations (main product owner is cool, but her staff keeps asking for the moon. I’m always directing things back to the Product Owner as she’s the one who decides what gets done…but at the same time I’m hyper aware of user acceptance type things with my UX background..), managing the team and making sure they have what they need (still have a problem child…everyone is fed up with them…but we’re close to the end so we can’t drop them…yet), and being hyper aware that a lot is riding on this project…and my leadership of it because this has exposure up to the very top ranks of large fe.deral govie organizations….and it is 100% my methodology, ideas, process, and implementation…if it fails….the rep of me, my company….it’s just a lot of stress…
So yeah P.rince is a bandaid right now…medicine…drug…makes me happy.
I was being OCD and needed to get into some code…started customizing a Share.Point site for marketing our new solution. It’ll have general information and training on the site to help 15k people acclimate to the new software. Had boyfriend blasting in my ears the whole time…dance breaks…hand raises…fist pumps…and really creative UI and things….I was SO happy having fun and writing code until late in the evening…
He’s legit a crutch right now…but better than other things I guess?
SO yeah…that was June…I just need to get this product out successfully…July is going to be a mess….gotta make it to August.
Send positive thoughts…
