Chuuch
MMMph, Mmmph, mmph…
Started off the year at my mother’s backwoods church.
It’s not that I mind going to church, in fact, I like to go. I’m just not very fond of hers. She goes to one of those older churches with about 13 members way out in the country…the kind where secret meetings were held back in the civil rights era. They only have service every first and second Sundays. Their offering is usually around $65 dollars, most of which is from my mother.
The thing about that church is that everyone is so country, I can hardly understand what they’re saying! Then if there isn’t a piano player, which is usually the case, every song they sing sounds the same…you know:
Deacon:
“give us this day our daily bread…”
All:
“giiiiiiiIIIIIIvvvveeee….uSSSSSSSssss…thiiiiisss…”
You get the gist.
AND THEN, while my mother was showing off my medical school sister, some dude had the nerve to come up to me trying to get his mack on. I was like MMMPH, Mmmmph, mmph.
On our way back, my mother told us about a pastor and his wife living in our sub division. Apparently, the husband cheated on his wife with a married member of his church and was recently ousted by the married member’s husband DURING THE SERVICE. You know that part when they ask if anyone has anything on their hearts? WELL, this man went to the front of the church, put tapes, TAPES in for all the church to hear and see, and showed pictures of the adulterous couple. MMMMPH, Mmmph, mmmph…bet he won’t be practicing his sermons so loud anymore…
