Brain Disrupt
I did a Lazy Audio blog a few days ago, but ended up deleting it.
It seemed…[words].
I have this idea in my head that thoughts generally follow the path of least resistance, like how when you get electrocuted and it kinda travels through certain parts of your body (lol).
For me, conscious life is generally :
Manage Client #1 -> Manage Staff at Client #1 -> Manage Client #2 -> Manage Staff at Client #2 -> Manage Staff at Client #3 -> Drive Home -> Proposal Work, Proposal Work, Proposal Work -> Sleep -> Repeat
Sleep part is :
Dream that I have a job and degree but am for some reason still in college, dream the world is being invaded by aliens and I have to save it, dream the semester is happening but I haven’t gone to any classes and it’s past the withdraw date so I can’t save my grades….repeat.
I might get an actual pleasant dream once every 6 months or so (no lie).
At this point, I can’t even imagine a different life…or I can’t fantasize about stuff like I used to.
Like before, I used to fall asleep doing these scenarios about meeting fantasy crushes or whatever…but I’m not able to do that either…like it’s not something I get excited about.
That could be for a few reasons, like how I was talking about not being interested in dudes the other day, but still…
And I DO have St. Lucia to look forward to, but for some reason, I’m not excited about it.
I’m not really excited about anything…
I’m not depressed either…just not…anything.
Or I don’t THINK I’m depressed? I can’t tell…I’m generally not optimistic…I’ve always been a realist.
Not sure if this is a side effect of my “medicine” or just a result of a trend that’s been happening for a while.
Also not sure if this is a bad thing…
*waits for Jung’s golden scarab…
