Part III “ :Why I choose to abstain
Alright so I’ve been dancing around mostly because I didn’t feel like writing about this subject and hearing people tell me that I think I’m self righteous and all that, but please keep in mind that this is my journal, my ideas. I’m not passing judgment on anyone, I’m just stating what I believe is best for me.
That being said…
Part III “Clink Clink” :Why I choose to abstain
For some reason, most people are shocked when the virgin topic comes up and I say that I am one. They say, “Wow that’s really rare,” like I’m some kind of exotic creature from a land far, far away.
Then comes the question why?
I think there are countless reasons why, and I think most of it has to do with this part of me that wants to be different than everyone else, to be unique and special. I think it comes from being the youngest of three daughters…trying to distinguish yourself from older siblings is a lifelong struggle. Yes I know that everyone is unique and special (hmm..sounds like a paradox that does) but a lot of people are also the same in many ways. A lot of people are okay with casual sex as long as both people are “grown” and agree that it’s just casual, just for the moment. A lot of people believe that sex before marriage is necessary because you don’t buy a car without test driving it first. A lot of people think sex is just sex and that’s all there is to it.
Me though? Here’s what I think:
Sex isn’t just sex. Sex, in all its forms, is opening up to someone completely and letting them become part of you both physically and spiritually.
I say sex in all its forms….I mean if someone directly causes an orgasm, then that counts. It evokes the same kind of connection intercourse does because the same chemical reactions take place.
I think that once you have sex with someone, a bond is created. You many not realize it, but it’s there, you could forget about the person, but they made an imprint on you in some way and may even desensitize you to certain things.
I think, like that one person from bp said, sex is the pinnacle of expression that should only be shared with your spouse, the one that is chosen for you and you alone, or at least someone you care very deeply for in a loving relationship.
And when I say love, I mean it as a verb. Love = commitment. Love = respect. Love=loyalty Love=lifelong. Sex should be taken just as seriously.
I think that pre-marital sex diminishes the quality of sex or even the bond in a married relationship. If you’ve already done everything, what is there to look forward to? Even though you may not think so, you’ve already been bonded with someone mind body and soul despite the fact that marriage is supposed to represent the relationship that brings two people together this way. If someone else has experienced all of you, then what is the benefit of being married? How would that make your spouse feel if they know that others have given them the ultimate pleasure, something that you thought only you could do?
I’ve heard the argument that sex with someone you care about is different, that it’s more intimate or something like that. Is it really? I guess in that situation you’re more focused on pleasing your partner not because of your ego, but because you truly care about the person and you want them to feel good.
Okay. So if you feel this way about someone you’re not married to, then how will you feel about pleasuring your spouse, the person who is the love of your life, the person you want to spend the rest of your living days with? Are the feelings any deeper or are they essentially the same?
TIMEOUT
I would like to take this time to remind people that I’m not judging others and their actions. I’m just saying what I ask myself whenever I consider why I want to remain a virgin.
RESUME
Then there’s fear…
Now you’ve seen the pictures, I’m not of average size. I’m really small and petite. I can’t even stand visits to the gyno with their little three inch violator thing, not really looking forward to something that is longer AND bigger around. I don’t care what they say, first few times are going to hurt. I’m not a big fan of pain so that equals a huge reason for me to keep em’ closed.
Then, my most important reason for remaining a virgin:
Despite my ideas about male promiscuity, I’ve always wanted to give my husband a gift that no one else has ever had. I want him to know that he is the only one who has become part of me, and that I saved myself for 20+ years solely and exclusively for him. I’m sure that would play to his ego a little, but I think it’s one of the greatest gifts someone could give…it’s a symbol of the purest, most unconditional and everlasting love and its the “pinnacle of expression”.
Overall, this way of thinking really drives the way I react to people. It’s why I’m so skeptical of bp people who want to meet after a few days of knowing me, it’s why I don’t respond to random people trying to pick me up on the street, it’s why I’m currently not focused on males in respect to building relationships past friendships, most people aren’t ready for the responsibilities and expectations that come with building a relationship with a virgin. People may come with the most noble intentions, but after awhile, a sexual attraction will be there, and most can’t deal with being celibate once they’re used to being pleasured. I avoid relationships because I’m really bad at coping when someone I emotionally invest in disappoints me by placing a lot of emphasis on something I can’t deliver.
It’s like here’s what up, if you can’t deal, then don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can because that feeling WILL come up. If you’re not strong enough, then spare me the hurt because it hurts like mother when people leave.
Anyway, yeah there’s my stance. Thank you and goodnight.
