Motivation! Yeah!
Wow!
I know I said I’d stop complaining, but I believe I may be losing my mind and this is my only outlet so…
Every emotion, amplified.
My father and my best friend abandoned me (the two only and most important men life), my dog is going blind, my computer (which I love like a child) is broken, my mother is constantly nagging me, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t concentrate on anything long enough to read…
It’s absolutely amazing.
One moment I’m laughing about everything and thinking wow everything’s so bad, it can’t get any worse! Then five minutes later I’m crying hysterically and can’t stop.
Right now I’m alright, but last night…I wept, actually WEPT from deep inside all night, prayed all night, eyes swollen this morning, everything. I’m exhausted right now.
It’s amazing.
Now I’m still upset, but the causes aren’t really affecting me. I can think about it, and it doesn’t seem important at all.
But I know as soon as I’m not doing something or right before I go to sleep, it’ll all come back…
I’ve got a lot of anger inside of me.
19 days until I am free from this purgatory.
I’ve forgiven my father. I’m trying to forgive my friend, I’m there for my dog even though it hurts to see her run into things she can’t see (I feel terrible, but it is still a little funny). I understand my mother’s concern and although it is irritating that she’s in my face all the time, I have to let her get her frustrations out somehow. To sleep I need to maybe meditate and clear my mind so I won’t just lay there and think, remember things. To eat is important, because not eating enough will contribute to this depression…
I’m going to take up martial arts again. I pulled out my sword from my closet and I’ve set up my punching bag in my sister’s recently vacated room. I’ll devote at least 30 minutes physically getting out some emotions.
I called up a friend from high school. When she returns to town, we are going to spend some time together and I can devote my energy to helping her though HER stuff just like old times. She is going to set me up on terrible dates with ghetto fabulous people because we don’t have the same taste in males at all. I’m going to get some humorous life experience. I’ll probably get in trouble, but it will all be in good fun.
I’m in good humor now and I will ride this feeling for as long as I can.
Note: Check this out…Brutha Code’s take on why males go to strip clubs
