Respect or Admiration?
Respect is a funny word.
Dictionary says it means : esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.
Then there’s admiration.
That means : to marvel at
Eh weak definition, lol…
I noticed that so far, my “romantic” relationships came into being because I ADMIRED those guys …mostly for their intelligence.
First boyfriend was a Pre-med major. Undergrad Chemistry degree.
Second boyfriend, double major in Physics and Mechanical Engineering.
Third boyfriend, went through several majors (Mechanical Engineering, International Affairs, Industrial Engineering….but still maintained at least a 3.7 throughout…at Georgia Tech no less)
Fourth boyfriend, pretty much a computer genius.
Thinking that though all of these guys were very intelligent, it clearly wasn’t enough as I’m single now…
I wondered, though intelligence can catch my attention, what about a person will actually keep it?
I thought about the institutions, ideas, products, and people who HAVE kept my attention over the years.
There was actually something that they all had in common.
It not about their accomplishments, education, money, or anything like that.
It was their character…or if it was an institution, their culture.
And specifically, if it’s a person, my respect for them is rooted in their propensity for and respect for hard work and dedication.
Looking at my Harem :
Mr. Marvin Pentz Gay(e)
Mr. Michael Joseph Jackson
Mr. Prince Rogers Nelson (Prince)
Mr. John Christopher Depp (Johnny Depp)
Mr. Richard Franklin Lennox Thomas Pryor III (Richard Pryor)
Mr. William “Smokey” Robinson
Mr. Savion Glover
Mrs. Beyonce Knowles-Carter
Honorable Mentions (justification):
Mr. Donald Glover (Actor, Writer, Producer, Rapper)
Ms. Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta (Lady Gaga)
Mr. John Roger Stephens (John Legend)
The full time members have been dedicated to mastering their crafts through straight up hard work and dedication for 20+ years.
The honorable mentions have the potential, talent, and dedication to do the same.
All make sacrifices, struggle, and push through adversity despite the odds.
No excuses, no blaming others for their lack of success, totally accountable for everything they did and everything they went though…both good and bad….being honest with themselves and their abilities.
And they were successful not because of luck, but because they worked hard, knew how to use their network, and knew how to adjust and maintain their success through the years as they grew and capitalized on their opportunities.
To me that is not just admirable, that earns my respect.
Even Young Grasshopper, totally humble, an absolute gentleman, 100% chivalrous, totally confident in himself, a SUPER hard worker, never needs validation or ego strokes from others…and just a happy and well adjusted guy.
He’s absolutely refreshing to spend time with…especially since there are no rules or obligations. He doesn’t look to me for anything but good company. He can handle himself by himself…and that is such a HUGE change for me.
For him, though there are a lot of things I may not admire, I definitely Respect him….for the others, I admired them in a lot of ways, but I’m not sure that I Respected them very much.
There was a common thread of validation that ran through most of my exes. All of them except the first one were very focused on getting attention or being accepted by others…especially women. They found their strength in female attention…craved it. Almost like a drug…
There was also a good amount of shifting blame to others and not owning up to their problems. Lots of putting on fronts to appear that they’re “cool” or have it all together.
Lots of fakeness.
At the end of those relationships, what respect I DID have pretty much eroded to zero….probably because the ADMIRATION I had for them was not rooted in Respect in the first place.
And also because those dudes I was with at those points in my life were a reflection of who I was at the time…I was lonely. I liked feeling needed. I liked propping up egos. I liked being associated with people who seemed cool and like they had it all altogether….but then I learned and grew from those experiences while they mostly stayed the same…and so I moved on from them.
The new standard :
Be yourself, respect yourself, love yourself, own yourself, be accountable for yourself, side eye yourself, hold yourself to higher standards.
Develop and root yourself in strong character, and all the other things will fall into place.
