DAY TWO: THE BAMBOOZLMENT, BIG FROG, & THE BIRD FROM HECK
edited to improve accuracy
After an un-restful night due to the silence (go figure) we headed down the mountain to get some provisions. We purchased allergy medicine and syrup for our pancakes.
“Do we need anything else?”
“Nope! This is it!” MISTAKE #2
We got in line behind a ranger who made small talk with us. After he paid for his packages he was all, “ya’ll look good together. I hope ya’ll have fun on your trip!”
We were like, “thaaaaannnkks….” (We both looked like booty.)
We made our way back to the ranger station after making a few stops to take pictures. It was located next to Oconee river where numerous Caucasian Persuasions were rafting and kayaking.
After watching them for a while, we headed in to get some maps and information about the area. We passed our ranger friend again who yelled friendlies at us from his car.
He was a cool guy …wish we would have taken a picture with him.
At the station we asked if they had any info on Big Frog. A lady was giving us some maps and thangs when another ranger walked up:
“Kin I ask why ya’ll want ta go up ta Big Frog? Dat’s reel wilderness up der. Ya gotta hike five hours ta get up dat way. Ya’ll shud go ta Chillawee instay-ed. It’s bout tin mile down da road n dey got a lake n ere’thang up der. It’s reel nice.”
We though that sounded reasonable since 5 hours WAS a long walk and we DID want to go fishing…
The trip over to Chillawee was beautiful. They had several look out points where you could see stuff like this:
and this:
However, we should have known something was wrong when we saw the road up was paved. When we got to the top, we found campers (like the RV kind), campsites that were maybe 2 feet from each other, and Caucasian persuasion children running around in bathing suits.
It was a travesty.
Our trust in that ranger dropped to 0 so we decided to take one for the team and brave the “5 hour” walk up Big Frog Mountain. On the way, we saw a Forest Road akin to the one we’d traveled up the previous night. Thinking it might lead somewhere interesting, we loaded up the packs and took a walk…
Yeah…
Another travesty.
My pack weighed as much as I did…and the boy GROWN ASS MAN was carrying about 80 pounds himself.
We walked maybe 1/8th of a mile and took a break for about 30 minutes.
During said 30 minutes, we decided the road wouldn’t lead anywhere and planned to just go to our original destination.
Following the directions of the millions of people who indulged them, we made it to the trail after a trek back down the highway and up another mountain. We substantially lightened out packs by about 30 pounds and made our way, taking note of the BEWARE OF BEAR signs along the way.
We walked…
And walked…
And walked…
Until it was about 7 or so.
We stopped for the night at an abandoned campsite along the trail.
By this time, I was famished and ready to get my eat on. We had a couple of meals to choose from:
Pancakes
Spaghetti and Broccoli
Oatmeal
The boy GROWN ASS MAN got the fire started while I started to prepare the food…
It was then that I realized…
WE AIN’T GOT THE STUFF TO MAKE ANY OF OUR MEALS!!!
We had pancake mix, but it was the kind you had to add eggs and oil to!
We had broccoli, but no pasta or spaghetti sauce!
We were going to have to live off oatmeal, sweet potatoes (with no seasoning), nasty A. tomato soup, and marshmallows!
It was a shame. We had made a long detailed list of stuff to bring, and left 80% of it at home…
After eating our measly “dinner,” we decided to just end the day by turning in early.
Fast Forward > >
2:00 AM
I had earplugs in due to certain people and their sleeping habits. When the sleep was getting good to me, the boy GROWN ASS MAN nudged me and was like, “KANISA! WHAT IS THAT?!?!”
I was like, “LAWD have mercy! I don’t want to KNOW!” But reluctantly took out my earplugs…
And heard a sound I’ve never heard before IN LIFE!
It sounded like a MUTED ROOSTER! And it was maybe 10 FEET from our tent!
I was like, oh HAAAAILLL NAWWW…thinking if I looked outside, I’d see some kind of 3 headed bird standing on one leg…
I was RET to GO!
After that I just prayed for the sun to sufficiently shine so we could be OUT.
Luckily, only one last incident of some hikers trying to jack our water plagued us.
We made it back to Atlanta by early afternoon.
MORAL OF THE TRIP:
Actually follow the checklists you make so you don’t leave anything, but pack lightly. You gotta carry all that isht around with you.
…
AND bring a shotgun. I don’t care if it’s not hunting season. A bear is going to be pulling back a NUB if it tries to roll up on ME!
