Trust
I used to feel obligated to tell the internet what was wrong with itself.
I could be found in the comment sections of “Black Boy Blogs” offering different perspectives and calling people out, mostly because their crap relationships were because of their crap choices.
I don’t know what it was that made me stop…maybe I just got tired of singing the same song?
Now…still in a rather difficult place. I’m not a genius and I’m pretty sure I’m not a perfectionist, but I AM incredibly observant…and analytical in a if [this] then [that] kind of way. The whole ignorance is bliss is so real, like it’s tough to enjoy things sometimes because the parts that are wrong are so glaring, it’s really hard to ignore…especially when it’s in my power to change it or alert people who have the power to change it. This is a useful trait to have at work…kind of like an in house hacker there to shore up your weak spots so the outsiders don’t call you out for it.
In a strange and contradictory way though, I’m not really black and white about anything. Right and wrong is subjective. Most answers are usually “it depends”. In fact, for me, wrong answers aren’t really wrong per say, they’re just lacking in sufficient reasoning. As I talked about before, “because expert, company, etc. said so” is not a reason. “Because I have experience in this and feel comfortable using it” is a valid reason, but still causes “eh” face as a lot of times that person won’t try a new thing that can be better due to fear or laziness.
And then there’s misinformation. A lot of the stuff that’s on the internet is willful misinformation to get clicks (whether related to news, social media posturing, etc.). Truth is lacking to the point where people are so comfortable dealing in lies that they don’t notice they’re misleading people by default.
So then comes trust.
My career is in digging into people and how they think. For the most part, leading most people is really easy because sorry, it really is true that most aren’t critical thinkers. That combined with insecurity (of both people and systems), really just cranks up my critical nature as I learn more about how the world works.
Like this weekend. Was looking for a poncho before the Jan.et concert (which was great by the way). Went to a Fam.ily Do.llar. Walked around the store then asked an associate if they had any ponchos. She looked annoyed that I was bothering her and immediately said they were sold out. I thanked her, did one more sweep of the store before walking out…and passed by a “Rain station” with plenty of ponchos on it.
Same store…I was trying to get money out of an atm machine to save a trip to my bank before the concert. Put my code in and everything…push the buttons…no money came out…and there was no error message. Called the number on the machine and the recorded message said to call your card holder if money didn’t come out (why not just put that on the machine?! Usability fail!). Called my bank and they said they’d watch for the hit. Meanwhile, while paying for my magical poncho they ran out of at the register of the associate that said they’d run out, I let her know their ATM was broken. She says “oh yeah it’s been out of money all week.”
THEN PUT A SIGN ON IT SO CUSTOMERS WILL KNOW!
I know I probably sound like an anal retentive crazy person, but as an experience professional, I found this whole experience to be INCREDIBLY irritating. Like, seriously?!
I feel like that kind of presentation or lack of professionalism is EVERYWHERE. From partnering with big companies, working in fed.eral governmen.t agencies (at pretty high levels no less), watching how IT rolls out, noticing everyday stuff that doesn’t work in really expensive software that has brand recognition around the world….even just watching people and what they say, how they carry themselves, being able to see right through the facades…it’s SUCKS when you can’t unlearn deconstructing everything you come in contact with.
Before I stopped with the black boy blogs because it was an non-winnable battle. This is too, but whereas before I could just stop visiting and be like “I don’t need to change their minds, not everything is for everyone and I’d go crazy dating someone like that anyway” now it’s that I notice things at a larger level. I can’y just check out of life and stay in the house pointing out whats wrong with the world or complaining that everyone sucks (lol). Nobody likes to be around killjoys…
Maybe it’s perspective? Word choice? I’m annoyed by a lot of things, but instead of saying “you’re stupid if you think xyz” I could put a positive spin on it…but that still won’t stop the fact that stuff bothers me so much.
Wanting to make the world a better place starts with noticing what’s wrong…
Most of the things that are wrong can’t be fixed by bandids…stuff is really ingrained in culture…
Logically, the fix would be changing or enriching culture, and that is a long play…
And in the meantime, I’m skeptical of anyone and anything I come across and that’s not a good way to live either. If I don’t care about the topic (ie. celeb gossip, sports, whatever Black twitter is complaining about, etc.) then it can roll off my back though.
I think for most people Respect is earned, not given, but maaaaybe I should spend more time thinking about the required height of my expectations before said respect is won…
I still go back to not requiring perfection though…just honesty and truth.
Or maybe that’s the problem…honesty and truth IS perfection these days….
